Saturday 22nd September 2018
Well, here we are again ready to document yet another chapter in this journey of mine. Its Saturday night and I have been ready to post this one for a while now but wanted to get the wording right in my head before committing it to immortality here in blog form.
This part of the journey is about my final days at the centre that I called home for five and a half years. One of the hardest decisions I ever had to face in my life but a decision that as hard as it was necessary to my growth in becoming the best Educator that I could become.
This time a year ago, I was a room leader in a Junior Kinder room. I had been appointed the room leader of the room after the previous room leaders decided to step down from the room. I had been in the Kinder room where I had followed my children up from the previous year as their room leader. As I didn't have my Bachelor In Early Education, I became an assistant to the Kinder Teacher at the time. Going from room leading to being an assistant again is difficult for most Educators and I for one struggled with the concept as I had a totally different teaching style to the appointed Kinder Teacher so when the opportunity to head back into my own room came along, I leaped at it.
It was nice to be back in my original room where I set about making it mine once more. Once again I was getting the positive feedback from the families that I was used to and I was really enjoying working with our new Interim management team. Our centre was going through it's own transition and I remember it being an exciting time for my centre. This centre had been my home for a very long time and I honestly felt like I was apart of something special making our centre even more exciting than what it had been previous.
In that first month I learnt so much from our interim management team about more effective programming and documentation. We had weekly room leader meetings where we shared ideas amongst other members and I remember it being a happy and positive time. I had decided to take a couple of weeks off to re-charge a bit. I always hated having to much time away from my kids and as a rule would at some point inevitably drop by for a visit to see them during my time off. Any longer than two weeks away would send me off the deep end.
I eventually came back to work and found myself only a few weeks later away from work again and in hospital after a gall bladder removal. The pain was horrific and I remember thinking what on earth is happening to me. The pain was on the right side of my chest so I had a good feeling that it wasn't my heart so that at least put my mind a rest a bit, and after a few tests discovered that my gall bladder was in danger of rupturing which wasn't ideal, so it was decided to remove it.
Funny story. While I was in emergency, I was called over to the triage window and she pushed the button under the next to allow me to come through and sit in her office. The Nurse asked me about the pain and I gave her a letter from my GP requesting that I was to be admitted straight away. The Nurse went through asking me the standard questions, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad would describe the pain at the moment?" Well, at this stage I would consider it a high 8-9 sort of pain. "Where abouts is the pain right now?" Well, its kind of centred around this area here, as I pointed to the area just under my right breast. She then asked me to describe the pain and I replied It hurts so much. "OK, are you on any medication at the moment?" I always dreaded this because I always struggled with the names of the medication I was on and usually did that thing where you try and give it a red hot go and wait for the Doctor/Nurse to correct you with the right answer.
"Well I'm on Carzameeezapain for my Epilepsy" The Nurse corrects me and says "Carbamezepine", "Yeah, that one as well as Citalopram for Depression. I'm also on Astovastin." "Do you mean Atorvastatin?" "Yeah, the one for my cholesterol, and of course I'm on Hormones which is the Microgynon." The Nurse look over at me and asked "Why are you on Hormones for?" I looked back at her and I replied really. She looked at me for a few moments and said "Ohhh, I'm sorry, I thought you were taking them to help you through Menopause". all of a sudden the biggest smile spread across my face and I replied, "If I wasn't in so much pain right now, I'd walk over and give you a hug right now". I kind of got the feeling I made her day, I know she made mine. Later that day while I was having an x-ray done, the technician asked me the same questions and then added an extra question. "Before we do the x-ray, is there a chance you maybe Pregnant". Again I smiled and replied, "Not much chance but I appreciate you asking".
I was off for three weeks recovering and finally got my clearance to go back to work with the stipulation that I couldn't lift over 5kgs. I thought that it wasn't going to be a problem so very excitedly I got ready to go back to work after being away from my kids for the last three weeks. I walked in happy and relieved to be back only to find out that because of the lifting restrictions, I wasn't able to return for my own safety. So I had to wait another 2 weeks before returning to work. I went home feeling so dejected that I couldn't even see my kids for fear they may of jumped on me and damaged me in some way.
In total with the holiday I had and the operation recovery time I was off work for 7 weeks. When I did finally get back I felt lost, my best friend and the person I relied on being there each day to cheer me up was gone. I felt that loss so much knowing that I wasn't going to see Maida's happy smiling face greeting me each day left me feeling empty. I had been away from my kids for so long and found it hard to find my grove again. The centre was heading in a new direction with a new full time Director now and I just felt lost. So, I made one of the hardest decisions I had ever had to make. I decided that maybe it was time for me to head off in a new direction myself.
One thing worried me about the whole thing, moving to a new centre meant that I had to start all over again building those relationships and bonds with families. How would they receive me? Would they accept me or reject me? How was this going to work?
I decided the only way to find out was to update my resume and head out and cold canvas some other centres in my local area. One of these centres was approximately 9 minutes from home and was only two years old. It was close to the local school which was great because I could pick up my girls from school after work.
One day after returning home from work, I received a call from a very bubbly young lady called Hayley. She had left a message asking me to give her a call regarding coming for a chat. I rang her back and arranged to meet her on the Friday. I can't explain it, although my confidence was low after the last couple of months and I felt that I had lost something, I knew that I had this Job. Something was telling me not to stress, that I had this. I walked in early as always, a bit of a trait of mine. I hate being late for anything so I will be that one that arrives somewhere 30 minutes early every time. I walked in confident and introduced myself to the lady behind the counter. She explained to me that Hayley hadn't arrived as yet but shouldn't be to far away. I took a seat and waited while looking at some of the literature on offer to read through about the centre.
It wasn't long before I met this amazing lady known to me as Hayley. She was a powerhouse of energy at the same time claiming that she wasn't a morning person. She was bright, bubbly and set me at ease straight away with her relaxed yet professional manner. Hayley asked me to take a seat beside her and we started to chat about my experience and my passion for the work I do. While I was answering her questions, Hayley was thumbing her way through my portfolio which had my Resume, Qualifications as well as some sample documentation that I had written. Hayley stopped one of the pages that contained my Diploma and all of a sudden had a puzzled look on her face. I thought I'd fill that gap by saying, yes, sadly at this point my Certificates are in my old name not my new one but if you have a look further you will see I have included my birth certificate as well which reflects my name change. She looked up at me and I said to her, you do realised I'm transgender don't you. She suddenly smiled a huge beaming smile as I waited nervously for some sort of response. Hayley told me that she hadn't realised but she was so excited and happy to meet me.
It was about this time that the front door behind me opened up and I heard this huge gasp from behind me. I quickly turned around to see one of my parents from a few years beforehand from my old centre. She ran towards me and gave me the biggest hug and very excitedly asked if I was getting a job at the centre. I replied "Well, I'm not sure but I'm kind of in the middle of an interview here to find out". With that, my ex-parent walked straight over to Hayley, still holding me and said to her, "You have to hire this girl, she is amazing and I wouldn't trust my child to anyone else but her". With that she let go, gave me another hug, wished me good luck and headed off with her child to her room. I looked over at Hayley and smiled feeling very good about myself and re-took my position in the chair opposite Hayley. Hayley then looked over at me and said, "That went pretty well for you didn't it." I replied , "Yeah, couldn't have planned that better if I tried."
I think that was the moment she decided that she wanted me on the team. She asked me if I was interested in doing a trial day for her at some point. I told her my whole day was free today so I would be more than happy to work the day for her. I could tell she was like wow, didn't expect that. Pretty soon I was introduced to the amazing Yolanda. Yolanda was the 2nd in charge and just the most beautiful soul that you would ever want to meet. As soon as I met her I knew I was going to get along very well with her.
I moved around a lot that first day from room to room and each room I went into, the same thing happened. Within a few minutes, every child in the room was standing or sitting around me talking to me. I remember being in the Kinder yard at one point through that day and saw out of the corner of my eye, a group of educators lined up along the fence looking at me interacting with the children. At this stage I had them hanging off me like they had known me for years. One of the educators at the fence called to me, "Omg, look at them. They love you. They wont leave your side." another one said, " I don't get it." I asked them what they meant. "The educator told me they love you that much that there climbing all over you and you only just met them, they don't even do this to us and we have known them for ages." I couldn't help but smile and reply that "It's always been the same way, I can't explain what it is but it happens every time".
At the end of that first day, I went back to the office satisfied that I had done the best I could do and had an awesome day in the process. I asked both Hayley and Yolanda if they had had any feedback from the staff. Hayley told me that one of the staff told her that they may need to lift there game after witnessing my interactions over the day. Hayley offered me the job then and there telling me that she had made her mind up earlier and the feedback that she was getting just sealed the deal. I was so excited.
Within that first week of working at my new centre, Hayley told me that I she wanted to put me in the Kinder room to cover the Kinder teacher who was about to go on maternity leave. The plan was that I was going to co-run the Kinder room with another educator called Mandeep. I was so excited to be back in the Kinder room as a room leader again. The Friday before I started in the Kinder room, I went into cover the Kinder Teacher for her break. The children were sitting on the mat and Mandeep was organising Afternoon tea for the children. I walked in, sat down on the mat, introduced myself to them and just did my thing. Within minutes, they were laughing with me and telling me about themselves. I started singing silly songs with the children and basically took over.
When the break was over and the Kinder Teacher returned back to the room which was only ten minutes in total the children were asking me to stay and begging me not to go. I only went as far as the next room which was the Junior Kinder room which adjoined the kinder room. While I was in there doing another break I heard a little voice saying "Mum, you have to come and meet Sharon, she's so funny and sings silly songs". The Mum came over to me and introduced herself as Robyn and she told me that she was told she had to come and meet me. The little girl who stood by her was smiling so much and you could tell, something special had just taken place in her life and she wasn't about to let that feeling go. I'm happy to say that although that little girl has moved onto school now with her twin brother, she still has this amazing reaction whenever she See's me. Robyn has gone on to be one of my amazing friends and a huge inspiration to me and the main reason why I started these blogs in the first place. Robyn ended up at my place one night and we were talking about what an amazingly powerful tool the Internet is for raising your profile and anyone one with a half decent idea can turn anything into something special with some work. Robyn was the one who inspired me to blog about my journey, so thank you so much Robyn for believing in me and allowing me to be apart of your families journey.
The following day, Saturday, there was to be a working bee at the centre. As usual, I arrived to early and set to work in my new room cleaning tables and chairs before starting on cleaning the shelving. While I was moving around the room, I was soon joined by my co-room leader Mandeep. Mandeep said good morning to me as she set to work helping me to dust and clean the shelves. This was my first chance to talk to her without having the children around. I pretty much started the conversation by apologising for taking over the mat time from the day before. It really wasn't my intention at the time, but it just sort of happened. Mandeep told me not to worry that it was ok and it gave her a chance to organise the fruit for afternoon tea.
Mandeep and I spent our time in the room that day getting to know each other and laying the foundations to what has became a bond that will continue on for many years to come. When I arrived at this centre, I was broken, I was lost and didn't know if I could continue doing what I love so much. Mandeep picked me up, dusted me off and re-ignited that fire in me that made me remember why I love this job so much. Mandeep is one of the most kindest and most considerate people I have ever met. Her and the rest of the girls at our end of the building adopted me as one of their own and made me feel wanted, appreciated and very loved. Over the course of those first six months working together we became like family. Mandeep quickly became not only one of my best friends but my Sister. The very first day talking to her alone in the room I was actually worried that she may not accept me or have same reservations about working with me because of who I am but she put me at ease straight away that day just by talking to me. I remember one night we had a staff meeting and I told her that there wasn't much point in me going home after work then coming back for the meeting so I'd probably stick around for the hour before the meeting started doing some things in the room. Mandeep had finished at 3:30. Did the school pick up, went home, organised her children, cooked dinner for the family and brought some to work in a container for me because she was concerned that by the time I got home after the meeting that it would be to late to eat and she didn't want me to go hungry.
Mandeep is just a beautiful soul full of so much love and compassion for her fellow humans and nothing is an effort for her. As we worked more and more together in the room we became almost synced to each others thinking pattens. The amount of times that I would say to the Mandeep, how about we do this, Mandeep would be like, I was just thinking of doing the same or vice verso. We had so many similar ideas that it became almost like a running joke. "Of course you were thinking the same as I was because we are Sisters." We spent that whole six months laughing, thinking similar thoughts if not the same ones and teaching some amazing children who meant the world to both of us.
The both of us were so proud working with our amazing kids and watching them work so hard to get their dance steps right that Mandeep had choreographed with the help of her daughter for the graduation concert at the end of the year. Santa Claus is coming will always hold special meaning to me now after that night and the following days for approximately 5 times a day throughout the whole month of January.
Mandeep, I can never stress to you enough how much you helped me and saved me from making a terrible mistake like almost walking away from this amazing life experience after feeling that I had lost my way. Like a beacon in a dark night, you showed me the way again and helped me see that I still have so much to give. You accepted me whole heartily as did your amazing family. One of my proudest moments was having the opportunity of watching you become an Australian citizen. You wouldn't have seen it, but i had tears in my eyes when you received your certificate but hey, your probably not surprised knowing that I cry at most things. You invited me to your home, you showed me how to cook like an Indian, dress like an Indian and showed me how to respect others with love and compassion like the way you were taught to.
A short 8 months later, it was time for me to make another tough decision. Do I stay and be content with only seeing you in the hallways or over the fence or do I take a huge risk and move centres once again. The centre I'm moving to is bigger, more chance for advancement yet its further away from home and I don't see you and the rest of those amazing girls who are like family to me. I still have to admit I miss you all so very much and the amazing kids and families that I had to leave behind from both centres still hold a very special place in my heart. I know that we are still connected and will always be throughout life. God puts people in our lives for a reason and he knew what he was doing when he put you Mandeep, Kamal, Priya, Preeti, Daisy, Farzana, Suzi, Arti, Garima, Aneeta, Jennifer, Almira and Steph in my life. You all hold a place in my heart and I will never forget the love and compassion that you all showed me in those 8 amazing months that we had together.
