What Is Inclusive Practice Anyway?.........(Chapter 21)

 

Wednesday 

4th January 2022

Inclusive practice, what is it? Why is it so important in Childcare? How do I embed it in my service?  These are just some of the questions I have been asked over the years as an Educational Leader and someone who focuses on Inclusive Practice. 

The Cambridge Dictionary defines Inclusive as: An inclusive group or organization tries to include many different types of people and treat them all fairly and equally. It further defines Practice as: something that is usually or regularly done, often as a habit, tradition, or custom. In short, in respect to the Early Childhood Sector, it's about making our services more accessible and welcoming to everyone regardless of their backgrounds. The question still remains, why is this so important? Allow me to explain with a few different scenarios. 

Around 65,000 years ago, the first Australians landed on our shores from around the islands of Southeast Asia. They came to this country we now know as Australia when the sea levels were at a lower point and the land between Australia and New Guinea was less of a challenge to travel across by sea. Indigenous Australian's lived off the land and the oceans surrounding the country eating berries, fish and land animals that they hunted with their tools that they made with their hands using what was available on the land. They set up communities and passed down stories from the Elders through dreamtime stories and Aboriginal Paintings left behind in caves and walls so that their rich culture was passed down through the generations of Aboriginal children who one day would become the Elders of those same communities. 

Just over 200 years ago, the British landed on the once peaceful Aboriginal homelands and set about setting up a colony where they could send their convicts. In the process of this, the British cleared and destroyed vast amounts of lands, slaughter countless Aborigines and as was popular at the time with the British, use indigenous people as Slaves. They Raped and pillaged what they could from the Aboriginals and forced them to live under their rules. 

I often use this as an example for children when I try and explain what that would be like in a way that the children can understand. "It's kind of like me turning up at your house and telling you that this is now my place, and you can't live here anymore. You and your family who have been living here for years now have to move and you also have to live by the rules I tell you. How does that make you feel?" The answer is the same every time, Sad!

Children have a way of understanding things more than we give them credit for at times. They are influenced by those around them including their families and peers. For too many years when I was growing up, I was taught to believe that the Aboriginals were nothing but an excuse to make fun of. There were a whole host of Aborigine jokes that I now cringe over even thinking of uttering them to others. One of them doing the rounds was that Aboriginals were referred to as boongs because that was the sound, they made when hitting a car bumper. You see, we all believed because that's all we knew that the Aboriginals spent most of their days walking the streets in a drunken stupor and cars would often hit them on dole day as they cashed their dole payment. Obviously, highly offensive but again, this is how many of us grew up with the influences around us. Thankfully, my views have changed dramatically over time. 

It strikes me as odd that we claim to be the lucky country and welcome anyone and everyone to our country to build a better life, but the reality is, that many people are still stuck in the past and afraid of what they don't understand. Deep down, there is a horrible racist undertone in this country and sadly, it's in own Parliments with some of our politicians being the worst offenders.  I consider myself a person that is Inclusive of all cultures and many times over the years I have heard horror stories from other Educators that have come here from other countries to build a better life for themselves and their families only to be told that their qualifications are not good enough and get treated like outsiders from the get-go. They are taunted with racist remarks and in some cases it's almost a case in some services that it's the white Australians on one side and the multi-cultural Australians on the other side. I have seen less qualified white Australians promoted over more qualified Indian Australian's. I had once had an Asian Educator tell me that she was so sadden at being considered as different from Anglo Australian's that she was going to have an operation on her eyes to make herself appear more westernised.  Unfortunately, there are many more stories like these I've heard over the years and sadly things are not getting better.

We as Educators have a chance to change this by teaching our children to be accepting and more tolerant of different cultures instead of fearing them. Incorporate cultural events into your program's curriculum. Embrace different languages, foods, customs and traditions. Focus on the children in your room, find out what their family backgrounds and talk about the countries that their families come from. Get the parents involved and invite them in to talk about experiences and places from their childhood. 

We also need to do better at acknowledging Aboriginal Culture than just recognising it only during NAIDOC week and Sorry day. We need to be embedding it into the center and its philosophy but how do we do that? Get in contact with the Elders in your area. Don't know where to start, begin with your local council. They will point you in the right direction. Looking into PD courses that teach how to incorporate an Aboriginal Perspective while respecting the culture. I can suggest getting in contact with Jessica Staines and her amazing Koori Curriculum. There are also some amazing resources from MTA and Educating kids from floor mats that have all the different Mobs scattered around Australia to some beautiful Dreamtime stories. It is so important to explore this rich and beautiful culture from its music, dancing and stories. It's all simple things that can be done. 

Of course, there is another group that we need to include in our look at Inclusive practice. The LGBTQI community. Why you ask? Kids don't need to hear about that. I don't want them pushing the agenda on my child. The truth is, that no one is trying to push any agenda on anyone. The simple fact is that more and more same sex families are enrolling their children in daycare. There are more Educators and people in the general community that are finding the courage to step out of the closet and revealing that they are Transgender. The simple fact is that children are bound to run into at some time someone from the LGBTQI community and they need to be given the tools on how to negotiate that interaction. Gone are the days, in this country at least that people are locked up for the sexuality. 

Like all these different minority groups, they have been judged, persecuted and mistreated in the past and we have the power to change that by incorporating Inclusive Practice into our curriculums.

  

Blood, Fire and Spirit. (Part 19)

 

Tuesday 11th August 2020

I'm going to take you back in time a couple of years for this one taking you back to part way through 2018. I had just been offered a  new position at a service in Pakenham which I had visited on a couple of occasions already as relief staff. The center was amazing and to be honest, it would have to be to leave the service that I had already been working for the last few months where I had made quite a name for myself  as an Educational Leader and fitted in well with all the amazing educators that I was working with. 

Pakenham had that wow factor, it had a beautiful front foyer and welcoming staff that made you feel comfortable straight away. The yards were amazing, especially the Kinder Yard and I was just awestruck with the way the management team related to the Educators there. It was something that i had missed over the previous last year. When I was offered the position, I jumped at it and within a week of being there was called into the back office. I sat down with the Director and her second and was asked how I felt about the service. I told nervously them (no one enjoys being called into an office anywhere as it doesn't always end in good news and I had had my share of bad news in that previous year) that I was feeling really good about the move and felt like I was getting along with everyone really well. The Director seemed happy with that reply and went on to say that she had heard nothing but great things from all the educators and families that she had spoken to. She then went on to offer me a role as Room Leader for her Big 2s room. I hadn't room lead a two year old room before and was not sure how my style of teaching would relate to this age group but I was up for the challenge. My reply to her was pretty typical of me, "Let me think about that for a moment...Ah, yes". 

So, it was decided, I spent the next week doing handover with the previous Room Leader and met my two amazing assistants. One thing that I can always say is that I have been very lucky in my life to have some awesome assistants. Jess and Elvie were two of the finest. We clicked together so well and turned the whole room around. Quite literally, we redesigned the room, redesigned the focus in the room and concentrated on doing lots of mini projects focusing on each Childs interest.  Before long we had the children talking about subject matter that they hadn't even thought of before but taking it home and telling their parents. I'll never forget the conversation that I had with a mum during that time all excited about something she witnessed her son doing over that weekend. She told me that she found her son drawing a picture of a man, she decided to ask who the man was. The child thought for a moment and replied "It's Neil Armstrong", bewiled she asked, "Who's Neil Armstrong"? Her almost 3 year old looked up and said "He was the first man on the moon". The Mum told me that she was so surprised that he knew this and had to Google to see if he was right. 

It was during this time I had noticed one of the parents who brought her child in always came in wearing a Salvation Army top. Having been a Salvo many years before, I wasn't sure whether to approach her or not feeling anxious because of being transgender. Sounds stupid now looking back, but she almost scared me because I was worried how she would react if I ever had her child in my care. I didn't know if she was an officer or someone who worked in one of the Thrift Shops, I just knew she was a Salvo. 

As time progressed, towards the end of the 2018, we started transitioning children to get them used to their new rooms. As luck would have it, one of the children was the child of the Salvo lady that I was more or less avoiding conversation with. This child was an absolute ball of energy and a joy to have visiting in my room over the course of the transition period. One of the days, I noticed her sitting in a big wooden box that I had in the room. The children would usually build it into a cubby house or something similar, but here was this child doing something totally different. I approached the child and asked her what she was doing. Firstly, I should explain that she was sitting in this box with a block in her hand moving it from left to right and making some odd noise. The child looked at me and said these immortal words, "I'm driving to Church, do you want to come with me?" 

That was definitely an OMG moment, it was like she knew that I was having problems with communicating with her Mum while at the same time knowing something that I was desperately missing. If you have read previous parts to my journey, you would now how much the Salvation Army has meant in my life and here was this child inviting to drive me there. I didn't get to tell mum that night and wasn't sure how to approach her about it but knew that she had to know. Its a tradition with most centers that they have their end of year break up party for the kids and families. I noticed Mum was there and decided that now was the time to tell her what I saw. 

Mum looked at me, smiled and said, you need to come. I told her about my  reservations and that I didn't want to make any of the congregation feel uncomfortable  with my presence. She explained to me that Pakenham Corp has some very progressive thinking Officers and that they would love to have me there. Sure enough, the next time I saw her at the center she told me that she had spoken to her officers about me and they reiterated her feelings saying that they want me there. I got some details from her and told her I would thing about it. 

One Sunday morning she messaged me and told me that she had had a dream that night that God had told her that she needed to tell me that I had to be there today. I'm like really, why today especially? She told me she didn't know but she had past on the message and done her part, the rest was up to me. I asked her what time the service started and she replied that it started at 10am. I'm like, it's 8:30am now and I'm still in bed. 

Somehow, in an hour and a half, I managed to jump in the shower, get dressed and drive the 30min drive to Pakenham to arrive a couple of minutes after 10am. I walked into that hall and although I can't quite explain it but I felt home straight away. The Mum came up to me and asked me to sit with her and I did. I remember standing up singing the songs that were being projected on the screen and thinking this feels right. Every so often, one of the lines in the song were being amplified at me from the mum with an occasional wink to say, that's you. 

During the service, they had a commitment ceremony  which is like the Salvation Army version of a baptism. The family that was dedicating their baby was from Nigeria, I at that time had just met a Nigerian girl online called Lara. I'm like, what are the chances that in the middle of Pakenham, on the day I attend church for the first time in years a Nigerian child is being dedicated. The sermon began and it was all about Inclusion and Inclusive practice partially in relation to the church and how in the past they have ignored certain people and that time had passed. One of the songs we sung after the sermon and to end off the meeting was from one of my favorite Christian artists, Michael W Smith. That was it for me, if I needed any other signs that I was meant to be there I would have just been trying to avoid the unavoidable. 

After the service, I was introduced to both the officers and straight away, I knew what the Mum was tying to tell me. They were both so down to earth and full of compassion. The rest of the congregation introduced themselves to me one by one over a cup of coffee and a plate of biscuits and the feeling of finally being home again hit me. Over the following weeks I became a regular fixture around the Corp and one Sunday, I decided to give my testimony about how I had been searching, wanting and hoping to get back to church but was worried about how I would be received as a result. I went on to say that from the moment I walked into Pakenham Corp, I felt immediately at ease and that was a testament in itself to the congregation that had built that and I thanked them for allowing me to be with them. 

I was surprised at the end of it when some of the older Salvos came over to me after the service and told me that I'd really touched a place in their hearts and began thanking me. From that point on, Pakenham was my home and although I was working in Pakenham and traveling 30mins each day for work, I was more than happy to do the same on a Sunday to be with my Salvo family. 

During this time I have made some amazing connections that I know will last a life time and some unfortunately ran out when my usefulness ran out. Some lessons are very hard to learn at times and although I was getting warning signs from friends around me along the way I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt until I saw it with my own eyes what was happening. I'm not going into anymore detail than that because sadly, those feelings are still pretty raw and to be honest, I'm left feeling foolish because I thought I was helping when in actual fact I was only enabling the bad decisions that this person was making.  

Over the course of 2019 I was becoming more and more imbedded in the Army and even at one point considered going back into uniform. I wasn't sure exactly how that was going to work but it was a real possibility at the time. Pretty soon, it was my favorite time of year roll around. Red Shield Appeal Sunday. Something I always looked forward to. In the past I door knocked, played chicken on the road at the traffic lights dodging cars and stood in shopping centers beside the kettle. Every year after the appeal we would go back to the Corp and the ladies there would feed us while some would sit at tables and count the donations coming in. It was a real feeling of community and I actually missed being apart of that. Red Shield 2019 was very different to those days, no more door knocking, little traffic light work due to restrictions which left Shopping centers and Bunnings and the Red Shield Sunday became a two week appeal. 

That first day I volunteered for Bunnings, let me tell you, I have a new found respect for the door greeters at Bunnings after that because nothing is colder than sitting in the wind tunnel they call the front doors at Bunnings. It was so freaking cold that no amount of clothing was going to warm me up. The following week I volunteered for the shopping center and loved every minute of it. As I was working in Pakenham, I knew a lot of the families walking past and it was a change to see them in a different light. Of course the children would do the usual double take when they look at you and try and figure out where they know you because your not in the usual uniform. 

Around May 2019 I had fallen into another slump thanks to my depression. I fell into a complete hole and struggled to climb out of it. To me, everything that I had worked so hard for over the years was being threatened again. I was becoming consumed by the black hole that left me feeling what's the point of going on. It was the Salvos that help save me from that. My officer rang me up one day after the Sunday service in which I hadn't attended. He asked if I was ok, I told him I was struggling to function. Later that day, he and his wife rolled up on my doorstep with donuts looking for coffee and to sit with me for a while, I told them what was happening and they both stuck by me through one of the darkest moments in my career. 

It was around this time that I was recording an interview with the amazing Dr Ruby Red Scarlet for her upcoming online course, "My Friend Has Two Mums: Gender and Sexuality in Early Childhood". Incidentally, this amazing course featuring me is happening again on the 1st September 2020. I will leave a link to the Multiverse site on the Inclusive Educator Facebook page. I remember during the interview being filled with sadness about the predicament I was in and that projected in the interview as being somewhat negative in certain aspects. After the interview Red ask me what was happening and I explained to her. She gave me some amazing advice as you would expect and from that point began crawling back out of the hole. We decided to re-record the interview and I'm so glad we did because the second version was amazing an exactly the message I wanted to get across in the first place. 

Towards the end of 2019, I met a girl who I liked very much. I decided to spend my weekends getting to know her better as weekends were our only time to catch up as she lived in the city. I always intended to go back to the Salvos, they helped me through some tough time but at the time, I had to give my all to my new relationship. The new year rolled around, Covid broke out, the relationship broke down  and before long, restrictions became the new normal. I still keep in contact with my church family but not seeing them every week to catch up and share that experience has been hard.

 I was never a smash you over the head with my beliefs especially my religious ones.  I believe that is up to the individual, me forcing people to go to church is only going to make them rebel more. I have many friends now, and yes, some of them happen to be atheist's and one in particular is probably  reading this now. I don't question her beliefs as she doesn't directly question mine. Some of her posts though I must admit make me squirm but then I think she's entitled to her opinion as I am entitled to mine and I just scroll past. 

Hopefully by Christmas 2020, we can all be together again but sadly I doubt it given the current Covid climate. Until we all do met again in that very precious, newly repainted.......yet again,  church, I want to just say to all at Pakenham Corp, thank you so much for making me feel so welcome over the past couple of years and knowing that I will always have a home among you. Thank you also to the little girl who offered to drive me to church. Who knows, with one more lifestyle change, that uniform could still become a reality.

Sharon Priestley

I don't usually do this but I would like to dedicate this blog to two very special girls, Zoe for offering me a lift and to Jasmine who inspired me to write again. Thank You both. 

Bushfires and Killer Viruses........Lets push ctrl/alt/delete on 2020 (Part 18)

Saturday-Sunday
21st and 22nd March 2020


Well, Most of you would be forgiven for thinking the world has gone totally mad in the last few months. If you had of told me that my first blog for 2020 would be about a killer flu virus that seems to be taking over the world a little more each day I would of said something like "Not even my creative mind could come up with such a tale of craziness", but here we are. 

I, like most people first heard about the Corona Virus or Covid-19 as its known now first in December last year. I must admit, at first I didn't think to much about it as I had other things happening in my life at that point. Life was as good as it could be, my career was going well and I was for the first time in years in a relationship that was mutually respectful and I was lost in feelings that I hadn't felt in years. The last thing I had on my mind was a killer virus. 

As December and 2019 drew to a close, the country was facing a far more pressing threat in the way of Bushfires. Due to the lack of rain in many of our rural areas across the country and the miss management of the federal government in respect to managing fuel reduction in the area's that needed it the most, not to mention, ignoring plea's from fire chiefs to invest more money into the respective fire services and purchasing more aerial firefighting water bombers to help combat the threat of bushfire. Fires broke out in Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria and Tasmania and as the fires began burning down and destroying lives and Australian  livelihoods, the Prime Minster of this country decided to fly off with his family to Hawaii for a holiday leaving the country with a rather large smoke cloud hanging overhead. 

After cries of "Scomo, where the bloody hell are you?" he, the Prime Minster finally decided to pack his suitcase and head home to face the music. Let me just tell you, the orchestra had been fine tuning their instruments and ready to unleash a crescendo the likes before have never been heard. Scomo copped it from fellow politicians, everyday Australians and of course the people on the front line that where putting their own lives at risk each time they went out to face the threat day after day. The heat boiled out into the streets and unfortunately, Mr. Morrison wasn't doing himself any favors by forcing victims of the bushfires to shake his hand for a cheap photo opportunity for the morning papers. 

I've always said that I'm non-political, to be honest, the subject boars me to tears. There are some politicians that I watch and think really, how is this meant to help the average Australian in their day to day life? I believe that Donald Trump is a misogynist who needs to be relieved from his duties as soon as possible because for the last 3-4 years, he has turned his country into a laughing stock and only served his own purposes by stroking his own massive ego.  As far as Scomo goes, his kind of conservative politics with a touch of radical Christianity thrown in is never going to be a good fit for anyone that he doesn't agree with, people like myself. Dan Andrews at least seems to have his finger on the pulse of all Victorians especially the LGBTQI community in our state but that's as political as I get. At the end of the day, I keep my head down and try not to ruffle any feathers and concentrate on what I do best, teaching and nurturing children and educators. 

So eventually the bushfires stopped attacking our country and everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief. It was time to step back and consider the cost of what just happened. The fires burned for 5 months and caused the death of 33 people with almost 3000 houses destroyed. The fires also decimated 7.7 million hectares of Australia that once housed over 1 billion animals that lost their lives. It is estimated that in monetary terms, it has cost in excess of 100 Billion dollars but in real human terms, sadly we will never know. Each one of those 33 people who lost their lives left someone behind. Each one of those 3000 houses destroyed left a family homeless and having to start their lives from scratch. 

It was a time that we witnessed amazing community involvement with everyone pitching in to try and help the victims that lost everything. Donations of food, clothing and money rolled in on a daily basis. Bushfire relief concerts were held across the country to aid in the effort which led to everyday Australians giving whatever they could. Farmers where sending their own stock feed to other farmers that were suffering and with nothing to feed their animals. Everyday, we woke up to a smoke haze that reminded us that our fellow Australians were going through hell at the moment and anything that we could do to help take that pain away would be appreciated. I can't begin to describe the pride I felt in our own  local community when I would see pages on Facebook looking for donations of toys, clothing and food to take up to the hotspots of some of the worst affected. Our own Sikh community decided to pack up their food van and head to the worst affect places and cook and donate free food to the volunteers and victims of the fires. This is what our country has been about for many years. When Australians are down and hurting, we pass the hat around to help them out. 

Sadly, in recent days, with the Corona Virus, this has not always been the case. Unfortunately we have seen not only Australians do a total backflip, but also the rest of the world. Everyone seems to be thinking about their own needs and wants and leaving nothing for the country's most vulnerable who can't afford to panic buy even the necessities let alone the luxuries. 

Lets go back to the beginning of this whole pandemic thing and start from the start. The Corona virus as I said earlier had first come to my  attention back in December, didn't think for a minute that it would be something like it is today. Once the threat of the bushfires had dissipated and it was found that the virus was beginning to spread from country to country, that's when I sat up and took notice. Up until that point if anyone was sick around me I would joke about and say things like "You better not have Corona virus". I'd even tell them I would spray them with disinfectant on them if they sneezed near me. I don't joke about it anymore, I actually find myself taking a step back from people now whether it be subconsciously or not, I just do it. I panic when I cough too much or discover that my throat seems a little sore, but then it gets better overnight and I put it down to coughing to much the day before. 

As it stands as I write this, the total worldwide stands at 307,037 cases confirmed with 13,034 deaths. In Australia there has been 1072 cases confirmed with 7 people dying as a result. On the grand scale of things, our country is seemingly riding the storm out quite well compared to some of the European countries who have had to go into lock down. Having said that, we aren't predicted to hit our peak until around June so I guess I should reserve my judgement a little while longer. 

Once again, I feel that the Australian governments position is not strong enough at them moment. I understand that the country can't just stop for two weeks because it's not a viable solution to keep the company going but keeping schools and childcare centers open is a bit problematic when where banning public gatherings of over 500 and indoor events to some other mathematical equation depending on the size of the room. Social distancing is not something that can be achieved effectively in a childcare center because we are constantly nurturing and supporting these children with social and emotional communication. If a child falls over and hurts themselves, they instinctively go to an educator for support of the educator will go to them. The child doesn't understand social distancing and it creates more confusion and anxiety for the child if they can't be comforted with a simple hug. I understand that keeping children is in centers is to protect the elderly from coming into contact with children who make have colds but if this is the case, they should be in self-quarantine with their parents, not out and about visiting grandma at the retirement village or nursing home. The other situation is that I understand that some Grandparents to have custody or have their Grandchildren in their care due to different circumstances but if the children are sick, they all should be in self-quarantine. 

Educators have families of their own and as much as they don't want to walk away from their services, they also don't want to contract anything from the children and pass it on to their own families and putting them at risk. I guess I'm lucky in this respect because I live alone and don't need to worry about passing anything on to anyone else. If I'm not feeling 100%, I stay home and not go anywhere till I'm feeling all good again. Usually my problem is exhaustion because I always give everything I have to my work both during the day and at night. It's just what I do because I love what I do. 

So, here we are at the end of another Blog, a little different than my usual content I know but with this thing happening all around us I thought it was a blog that needed to be written to show the contrast between the community spirit during one major event and this event happening now. We all need to calm down and stop panic buying from shops because it is hurting the most disadvantaged people in our community, the elderly, the unemployed, the single parents out there fighting to put something on the tables for their kids to eat each night and more than likely going without themselves. We have warehouses of food and supplies ready for the shops so we need to slow down and stop buying it all before it hits the shelves and leaving nothing for others. Things like Toilet Paper, Hand sanitizer, tissues, feminine sanitary products, rice, pasta, fresh and frozen fruit and vegetables, meat and milk. Its all waiting to go onto our shelves if shoppers allowed the stores to put it out for everyone. We shouldn't have to fight and brawl in shopping centers over toilet paper. 

One think I want to add before I close this one off. A big part of my work and any educators work for that matter, should be critical reflection. It's something I do quite a bit in my day to day life and conversations I have with fellow educators. In the beginning of this, I was talking about how I didn't take it seriously because it was overseas and not effecting the rest of the world at that point. Besides, the bushfires were more of a pressing issue at the time. I was making light of the situation and saying when someone sneezed around that you better not have corona virus. The person I said this most to was an Educator of Asian decent. She wasn't from China but it's irrelevant. The point is I said something that was meant to be funny without realizing that comments like this could be considered hurtful if not racist. Of course that was never my intension as I've built a career on being inclusive of all nationalities, religions and cultural differences but my comments were wrong.

I find myself getting mad a phrases like "The China Virus" uttered by dimwitted politicians who have no grasp of reality. It saddens me when I hear how some Asian restaurants are having to close down because patrons are frightened to go out to them for fear that they might get Corona Virus. Asians are being verbally attacked and spat on in public while being blamed for this outbreak when their no more to blame than the rest of the world.  

The phrase Covid-19, sounds like the name of some rogue undercover agent with a license to kill. Up until now, it has had that opportunity but they only way we are going to stop this thing is by working together to defeat it. That means placing yourself in self-isolation if your not well, wash your hands regularly and be kind to each other. 

Sharon 

Reflections of...........(Part 15)

Tuesday 1st January 2019

Let me kick this first post of the year off with Happy New Year to all of my amazing readers. I hope 2019 brings you all the joy, love and happiness that the year can provide. I would also like to thank you all for being apart of my journey and again thank you all for all the amazing feedback that you send me on my previous posts. You truly inspire me to keep this going. 

As any Educator will tell you, reflections are just another part of life. We do them Daily, Weekly, Monthly as well as some do them by the School term or by the year. Its a chance for us to reflect on what we have done, what worked and what didn't and how we to tweak it a bit to make it better. Its also a chance to set individual and group goals to try an achieve over a certain time frame. 

Over the past couple of years I have written down a few words of what I want to achieve for the New Year and do my best to stick by them as much as possible. Last year my goals were to let go of all the things that were holding  me back from being the best that I could be. I began by letting go of all of the negativity of the past and all the clutter out of my life. No more emotionally draining friendships where it was always all one way. You know the kind, where you always there for someone when they need to unload but when you need someone, their never there. 

I also began to believe in the power of positive thinking which led me to the law of attraction. Basically, if you surround yourself with positivity you will actually attract more positivity. I began to envisage a future where all i had to do was think about something I needed and eventually it would happen. 

A great example of this was when my good friend Narcisa and I went into a shop one day. It was a crystal shop, in the past I have avoided these sorts of places but due to my love of all things purple, I wanted to see what Amethyst stones they had. While looking through the shop, I came across a group of figurines cut out of various stones. One of the designs was of Ganesha, the Indian God that is said to bestow great wisdom and fortune upon its followers. I remember thinking that this would be a perfect gift for one of my Best Friend's Mandeep. 

Mandeep who I have spoken about previously, is my sister who introduced me to Indian culture and along with her fellow educators, kind of adopted me as one of their own. Ganesha was all over the shelf and I thought I wish there was a purple one because it made it all that more personal coming from me. Out of nowhere, a purple one appeared on the shelf that seriously wasn't there beforehand. I told my friend Narcisa what had just happened and I don't think she believed me straight away until I said, I wish there was another purple one so we could have a matching pair. All of a sudden Narcisa started laughing and eventually said, OMG, there's one right here. She picked it up and showed it to me. I replied, that so wasn't there before because I looked over every one of them. Narcisa agreed and from then on became a converted believer in the law of attraction. 

My developing friendship with Narcisa over the past year was probably one of the many big positives to come out of the year. Walking away from the negative influences in my life, gave me a chance to focus on more positive people. Narcisa is a girl I worked with at a previous centre and a mutual friend of my other friend Maida. The three of us teamed up throughout the year for catch ups and a comedy show in the city. We also did things separately. For Narcisa and I it was our road trips. We'd just decide that we were going for a drive, jump in the car with some snacks and just drive. 

It wouldn't matter if we were heading to somewhere close by like the Dandenong's or as far as Ballarat to visit Sovereign Hill, it was always a great day out just laughing at the silliest things and the funniest situations. It was great for us both just to spend some time away from the normality of our lives and take a chance to live in the moment. Some of our funniest moments were me telling Narcisa where we were headed and have her try to pronounce the name of our destination. The beautiful town of Warburton got absolutely butchered by Narcisa and remains a running joke to this day. This year I'll be looking for more places with Narcisa with even more complicated names. Places such as Eildon, Walhalla and Echuca are all places to be considered for this year. Thank you Narcisa for being such an amazing sport to endure my warped sense of humour but as you witnessed on Christmas Day, it came from somewhere. 

Also last year I became more acquainted with some of the families of the children I had in my care from the previous year. At the end of 2017 I met two amazing twins that went on to shape one of the most amazing friendships of 2018. Robyn is the twins Mum and and an unbelievable source of inspiration to me. It all came about when I went to the twins house for a visit after work one Friday night and to say it was very clear that they had missed me was an understatement. They dragged me from one end of the house to the other eager to show off their rooms. Then came the birthday parties which were amazing. I offered myself to Robyn as a babysitter anytime she wanted and thankfully her and her Husband Rob took me up on the offer. One night Robyn told me that she needed some "Sharon time" so I invited her around to my place for a catch up. We got to talking about our Careers over a bottle of wine and how I wanted to take mine to the next step. Robyn suggested I begin writing a blog. Who would want to read my story? was my reply. Robyn told me that I shouldn't underestimate how many people would actually be interested. The next day, I wrote my first blog. To date I have 376 combined members over my two pages. This coming year brings more of my journey and things that I want to focus on in the future. 

Although this year was all about positivity and gaining a new prospective, I once again became acquainted with the black hole of depression. For like a month in July, I lost perspective of everything and struggled to regain it for a while. I was sailing along so well that I decided to stop taking my anti-depressants thinking I don't need these anymore and I basically fell in a heap. Thankfully, my strong network of support managed to drag me back from the edge and I continued on. Wasn't one of my finest moments but it was a reminder that I still have a way to go. 

I also finally decided to stop feeling guilty and responsible for my wife Maria (much to the sounds of thunderous applause from my friends). I finally came to this conclusion after she found yet another way to hurt me not once but twice. This particular time was extremely vindictive so I decided to basically cut her from my life all together. I blocked her from social media and blocked her mobile number so she couldn't contact me again. I finally felt free from her grasp and knew that I wasn't going to allow her to hurt me again. 

Sadly this year there was a couple of deaths in the later part of the year which hit me quite hard. Firstly there was my Brother in law who passed away and because of me blocking Maria's number on my phone, I didn't get to hear about till two weeks after the fact by seeing it on Facebook. As soon as I realised what had happened, I contacted the family and thankfully was able to attend the funeral. I did expectantly run into Maria with her new partner which was more than a little awkward but we made it through without to much drama. The second person to pass this year was my Uncle. He was an amazing and kind human being who I admired a lot. Sadly over his last few years I hadn't seen him for a while and unfortunately due to work commitments, wasn't able to attend the funeral. I take comfort now that both of these relatives are in a much better place where pain can no longer hurt them. 

One of my biggest and hardest decisions came around June for me. I made the move to an amazing centre in November of 2017. I Co-Room led the Kinder room with the amazing and talented Mandeep who I have spoken to at great lengths in a previous post. I was their to fill in for the Kinder teacher who was on maternity leave. By the time she returned I was the Educational Leader for the centre and implementing some huge changes in the way we did programing and documentation. This was a role I really enjoyed and the experience was invaluable. I was asked to go to fill in at another centre one day and I accepted and went. From the moment I walked in the door, I was blown away. The wow factor of this centre was huge. 

Within two weeks, I had made the decision to move to this new centre after they offered me a position. It wasn't easy to leave one of my best friends and the people who excepted me as one of their own but necessary for my own growth. Within a week of being at my new centre I was offered the position as room leader for the 2-3  room and with my two amazingly talented assistants made our room the best it could be. This year I have been offered an exciting new role within the company that will see me reach goals that I have been working on for a while now. It will give me the opportunity to help shape our amazing centre for the future. 

This year I also had the extreme pleasure of being apart of four very special birthday parties. The first one was Phoebe, then came Hugh and Isla. After that it was time for two special girls who I have known since they were the age of 3-4 and I had them in my care at the centre I was working at. This year, we celebrated their 10th Birthday with all of their Kinder friends from the same year. In November I headed to Sydney to help celebrate another special birthday. Once again I had this child in my centre. She was in the nursery room and her and I built a bond that has seen me last year drive to Sydney to help celebrate her 8th birthday party. I have said it before but I'm am so blessed and humble at the fact that I have been allowed to be such a big part of my kids lives. 

My friends list over the past year has grown dramatically as I have met so many new amazing people. People I work with at my new centre, friends that I met over the year and the families of the children I tutor who have become friends also. 

This year I want to focus on meeting more new people and hopefully find the girl of my dreams. I have envisaged her already, she will be amazing, kind and caring. She will have a beautiful heart and a loving soul and we will complete each others lives in every way. I'm also going to keep culling the negativity out of my life so nothing can hurt me again. I'm going to continue to write blogs, posting posts and fighting for Transgender people everywhere. My life is a life of love and acceptance and I believe if I keep pushing that message of love, public opinion will have to make the change accept that LGBTQI people are just people. 

I have also decided that I'm going to find the courage at some point to walk back into Church. I have missed the fellowship with others and could use the guidance and direction of where God wants me to take this journey in the future.

Oh, and one more thing before I end this. This morning I made a promise to my longest best friend in the world. With a friendship lasting over 30 years and surviving two broken marriages I promised that before June this year I will come up to visit her. Rutha, I can't wait to see you soon.

So this is where I end this one, I would like to thank you all for your continued support of this page. Please feel free to share it to anyone who you think may benefit from its words. Also, if you have any questions that you want to ask me about my journey thus far, please feel free to inbox me from my Facebook page. Once again, I would like to wish everyone the brightest and glitter filled New Year possible. 

Sharon

Do you know I have an Indian background, yeah, I have a lot of Indian Sisters............(Part 13)

Saturday 22nd September 2018

Well, here we are again ready to document yet another chapter in this journey of mine. Its Saturday night and I have been ready to  post this one for a while now but wanted to get the wording right in my head before committing it to immortality here in blog form. 

This part of the journey is about my final days at the centre that I called home for five and a half years. One of the hardest decisions I ever had to face in my life but a decision that as hard as it was necessary to my growth in becoming the best Educator that I could become. 

This time a year ago, I was a room leader in a Junior Kinder room. I had been appointed the room leader of the room after the previous room leaders decided to step down from the room. I had been in the Kinder room where I had followed my children up from the previous year as their room leader. As I didn't have my Bachelor In Early Education, I became an assistant to the Kinder Teacher at the time. Going from room leading to being an assistant again is difficult for most Educators and I for one struggled with the concept as I had a totally different teaching style to the appointed Kinder Teacher so when the opportunity to head back into my own room came along, I leaped at it. 

It was nice to be back in my original room where I set about making it mine once more. Once again I was getting the positive feedback from the families that I was used to and I was really enjoying working with our new Interim management team. Our centre was going through it's own transition and I remember it being an exciting time for my centre. This centre had been my home for a very long time and I honestly felt like I was apart of something special making our centre even more exciting than what it had been previous. 

In that first month I learnt so much from our interim management team about more effective programming and documentation. We had weekly room leader meetings where we shared ideas amongst other members and I remember it being a happy and positive time.  I had decided to take a couple of weeks off to re-charge a bit. I always hated having to much time away from my kids and as a rule would at some point inevitably drop by for a visit to see them during my time off. Any longer than two weeks away would send me off the deep end. 

I eventually came back to work and found myself only a few weeks later away from work again and in hospital after a gall bladder removal. The pain was horrific and I remember thinking what on earth is happening to me. The pain was on the right side of my chest so I had a good feeling that it wasn't my heart so that at least put my mind a rest a bit, and after a few tests discovered that my gall bladder was in danger of rupturing which wasn't ideal, so it was decided to remove it. 

Funny story. While I was in emergency, I was called over to the triage window and she pushed the button under the next to allow me to come through and sit in her office. The Nurse asked me about the pain and I gave her a letter from my GP requesting that I was to be admitted straight away. The Nurse went through asking me the standard questions, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad would describe the pain at the moment?" Well, at this stage I would consider it a high 8-9 sort of pain. "Where abouts is the pain right now?" Well, its kind of centred around this area here, as I pointed to the area just under my right breast. She then asked me to describe the pain and I replied It hurts so much. "OK, are you on any medication at the moment?" I always dreaded this because I always struggled with the names of the medication I was on and usually did that thing where you try and give it a red hot go and wait for the Doctor/Nurse to correct you with the right answer. 

"Well I'm on Carzameeezapain for my Epilepsy" The Nurse corrects me and says "Carbamezepine", "Yeah, that one as well as Citalopram for Depression. I'm also on Astovastin." "Do you mean Atorvastatin?" "Yeah, the one for my cholesterol, and of course I'm on Hormones which is the Microgynon." The Nurse look over at me and asked "Why are you on Hormones for?" I looked back at her and I replied really. She looked at me for a few moments and said "Ohhh, I'm sorry, I thought you were taking them to help you through Menopause". all of a sudden the biggest smile spread across my face and I replied, "If I wasn't in so much pain right now, I'd walk over and give you a hug right now". I kind of got the feeling I made her day, I know she made mine. Later that day while I was having an x-ray done, the technician asked me the same questions and then added an extra question. "Before we do the x-ray, is there a chance you maybe Pregnant". Again I smiled and replied, "Not much chance but I appreciate you asking". 

I was off for three weeks recovering and finally got my clearance to go back to work with the stipulation that I couldn't lift over 5kgs. I thought that it wasn't going to be a problem so very excitedly I got ready to go back to work after being away from my kids for the last three weeks. I walked in happy and relieved to be back only to find out that because of the lifting restrictions, I wasn't able to return for my own safety. So I had to wait another 2 weeks before returning to work. I went home feeling so dejected that I couldn't even see my kids for fear they may of jumped on me and damaged me in some way. 

In total with the holiday I had and the operation recovery time I was off work for 7 weeks. When I did finally get back I felt lost, my best friend and the person I relied on being there each day to cheer me up was gone. I felt that loss so much knowing that I wasn't going to see Maida's happy smiling face greeting me each day left me feeling empty. I had been away from my kids for so long and found it hard to find my grove again. The centre was heading in a new direction with a new full time Director now and I just felt lost. So, I made one of the hardest decisions I had ever had to make. I decided that maybe it was time for me to head off in a new direction myself. 

One thing worried me about the whole thing, moving to a new centre meant that I had to start all over again building those relationships and bonds with families. How would they receive me? Would they accept me or reject me? How was this going to work? 

I decided the only way to find out was to update my resume and head out and cold canvas some other centres in my local area. One of these centres was approximately 9 minutes from home and was only two years old. It was close to the local school which was great because I could pick up my girls from school after work. 

One day after returning home from work, I received a call from a very bubbly young lady called Hayley. She had left a message asking me to give her a call regarding coming for a chat. I rang her back and arranged to meet her on the Friday. I can't explain it, although my confidence was low after the last couple of months and I felt that I had lost something, I knew that I had this Job. Something was telling me not to stress, that I had this. I walked in early as always, a bit of a trait of mine. I hate being late for anything so I will be that one that arrives somewhere 30 minutes early every time. I walked in confident and introduced myself to the lady behind the counter. She explained to me that Hayley hadn't arrived as yet but shouldn't be to far away. I took a seat and waited while looking at some of the literature on offer to read through about the centre. 

It wasn't long before I met this amazing lady known to me as Hayley. She was a powerhouse of energy at the same time claiming that she wasn't a morning person. She was bright, bubbly and set me at ease straight away with her relaxed yet professional manner. Hayley asked me to take a seat beside her and we started to chat about my experience and my passion for the work I do. While I was answering her questions, Hayley was thumbing her way through my portfolio which had my Resume, Qualifications as well as some sample documentation that I had written. Hayley stopped one of the pages that contained my Diploma and all of a sudden had a puzzled look on her face. I thought I'd fill that gap by saying, yes, sadly at this point my Certificates are in my old name not my new one but if you have a look further you will see I have included my birth certificate as well which reflects my name change. She looked up at me and I said to her, you do realised I'm transgender don't you. She suddenly smiled a huge beaming smile as I waited nervously for some sort of response. Hayley told me that she hadn't realised but she was so excited and happy to meet me. 

It was about this time that the front door behind me opened up and I heard this huge gasp from behind me. I quickly turned around to see one of my parents from a few years beforehand from my old centre. She ran towards me and gave me the biggest hug and very excitedly asked if I was getting a job at the centre. I replied "Well, I'm not sure but I'm kind of in the middle of an interview here to find out". With that, my ex-parent walked straight over to Hayley, still holding me and said to her, "You have to hire this girl, she is amazing and I wouldn't trust my child to anyone else but her". With that she let go, gave me another hug, wished me good luck and headed off with her child to her room. I looked over at Hayley and smiled feeling very good about myself and re-took my position in the chair opposite Hayley. Hayley then looked over at me and said, "That went pretty well for you didn't it." I replied , "Yeah, couldn't have planned that better if I tried." 

I think that was the moment she decided that she wanted me on the team. She asked me if I was interested in doing a trial day for her at some point. I told her my whole day was free today so I would be more than happy to work the day for her. I could tell she was like wow, didn't expect that. Pretty soon I was introduced to the amazing Yolanda. Yolanda was the 2nd in charge and just the most beautiful soul that you would ever want to meet. As soon as I met her I knew I was going to get along very well with her. 

I moved around a lot that first day from room to room and each room I went into, the same thing happened. Within a few minutes, every child in the room was standing or sitting around me talking to me. I remember being in the Kinder yard at one point through that day and saw out of the corner of my eye, a group of educators lined up along the fence looking at me interacting with the children. At this stage I had them hanging off me like they had known me for years. One of the educators at the fence called to me, "Omg, look at them. They love you. They wont leave your side." another one said, " I don't get it." I asked them what they meant. "The educator told me they love you that much that there climbing all over you and you only just met them, they don't even do this to us and we have known them for ages." I couldn't help but smile and reply that "It's always been the same way, I can't explain what it is but it happens every time". 

At the end of that first day, I went back to the office satisfied that I had done the best I could do and had an awesome day in the process. I asked both Hayley and Yolanda if they had had any feedback from the staff. Hayley told me that one of the staff told her that they may need to lift there game after witnessing my interactions over the day. Hayley offered me the job then and there telling me that she had made her mind up earlier and the feedback that she was getting just sealed the deal. I was so excited.

Within that first week of working at my new centre, Hayley told me that I she wanted to put me in the Kinder room to cover the Kinder teacher who was about to go on maternity leave. The plan was that I was going to co-run the Kinder room with another educator called Mandeep. I was so excited to be back in the Kinder  room as a room leader again. The Friday before I started in the Kinder room, I went into cover the Kinder Teacher for her break. The children were sitting on the mat and Mandeep was organising Afternoon tea for the children. I walked in, sat down on the mat, introduced myself to them and just did my thing. Within minutes, they were laughing with me and telling me about themselves. I started singing silly songs with the children and basically took over. 

When the break was over and the Kinder Teacher returned back to the room which was only ten minutes in total the children were asking me to stay and begging me not to go. I only went as far as the next room which was the Junior Kinder room which adjoined the kinder room. While I was in there doing another break I heard a little voice saying "Mum, you have to come and meet Sharon, she's so funny and sings silly songs". The Mum came over to me and introduced herself as Robyn and she told me that she was told she had to come and meet me. The little girl who stood by her was smiling so much and you could tell, something special had just taken place in her life and she wasn't about to let that feeling go. I'm happy to say that although that little girl has moved onto school now with her twin brother, she still has this amazing reaction whenever she See's me. Robyn has gone on to be one of my amazing friends and a huge inspiration to me and the main reason why I started these blogs in the first place. Robyn ended up at my place one night and we were talking about what an amazingly powerful tool the Internet is for raising your profile and anyone one with a half decent idea can turn anything into something special with some work. Robyn was the one who inspired me to blog about my journey, so thank you so much Robyn for believing in me and allowing me to be apart of your families journey. 

The following day, Saturday, there was to be a working bee at the centre. As usual, I arrived to early and set to work in my new room cleaning tables and chairs before starting on cleaning the shelving.  While I was moving around the room, I was soon joined by my co-room leader Mandeep. Mandeep said good morning to me as she set to work helping me to dust and clean the shelves. This was my first chance to talk to her without having the children around. I pretty much started the conversation by apologising for taking over  the mat time from the day before. It really wasn't my intention at the time, but it just sort of happened. Mandeep told me not to worry that it was ok and it gave her a chance to organise the fruit for afternoon tea. 

Mandeep and I spent our time in the room that day getting to know each other and laying the foundations to what has became a bond that will continue on for many years to come. When I arrived at this centre, I was broken, I was lost and didn't know if I could continue doing what I love so much. Mandeep picked me up, dusted me off and re-ignited that fire in me that made me remember why I love this job so much. Mandeep is one of the most kindest and most considerate people I have ever met. Her and the rest of the girls at our end of the building adopted me as one of their own and made me feel wanted, appreciated and very loved. Over the course of those first six months working together we became like family. Mandeep quickly became not only one of my best friends but my Sister. The very first day talking to her alone in the room I was actually worried that she may not accept me or have same reservations about working with me because of who I am but she put me at ease straight away that day just by talking to me. I remember one night we had a staff meeting and I told her that there wasn't much point in me going home after work then coming back for the meeting so I'd probably stick around for the hour before the meeting started doing some things in the room. Mandeep had finished at 3:30. Did the school pick up, went home, organised her children, cooked dinner for the family and brought some to work in a container for me because she was concerned that by the time I got home after the meeting that it would be to late to eat and she didn't want me to go hungry. 

Mandeep is just a beautiful soul full of so much love and compassion for her fellow humans and nothing is an effort for her. As we worked more and more together in the room we became almost synced to each others thinking pattens. The amount of times that I would say to the Mandeep, how about we do this, Mandeep would be like, I was just thinking of doing the same or vice verso. We had so many similar ideas that it became almost like a running joke. "Of course you were thinking the same as I was because we are Sisters." We spent that whole six months laughing, thinking similar thoughts if not the same ones and teaching some amazing children who meant the world to both of us. 

The both of us were so proud working with our amazing kids and watching them work so hard to get their dance steps right that Mandeep had choreographed with the help of her daughter for the graduation concert at the end of the year. Santa Claus is coming will always hold special meaning to me now after that night and the following days for approximately 5 times a day throughout the whole month of January. 

Mandeep, I can never stress to you enough how much you helped me and saved me from making a terrible mistake like almost walking away from this amazing life experience after feeling that I had lost my way. Like a beacon in a dark night, you showed me the way again and helped me see that I still have so much to give. You accepted me whole heartily as did your amazing family. One of my proudest moments was having the opportunity of watching you become an Australian citizen. You wouldn't have seen it, but i had tears in my eyes when you received your certificate but hey, your probably not surprised knowing that I cry at most things. You invited me to your home, you showed me how to cook like an Indian, dress like an Indian and showed me how to respect others with love and compassion like the way you were taught to. 

A short 8 months later, it was time for me to make another tough decision. Do I stay and be content with only seeing you in the hallways or over the fence or do I take a huge risk and move centres once again. The centre I'm moving to is bigger, more chance for advancement yet its further away from home and I don't see you and the rest of those amazing girls who are like family to me. I still have to admit I miss you all so very much and the amazing kids and families that I had to leave behind from both centres still hold a very special place in my heart. I know that we are still connected and will always be throughout life. God puts people in our lives for a reason and he knew what he was doing when he put you Mandeep, Kamal, Priya, Preeti, Daisy, Farzana, Suzi, Arti, Garima, Aneeta, Jennifer, Almira and Steph in my life. You all hold a place in my heart and I will never forget the love and compassion that you all showed me in those 8 amazing months that we had together. 

Letter to the Families that has never been seen.........(Part 10.1)

Dear Parents and Families,

I wanted to take this moment to share something with you about myself. 

A lot of you may of noticed in the last 6 months that there has been some noticeable changes in my appearance. Different clothes, longer hair and the occasional appearance of make up on me. I would like to address this with you now and try to answer any questions or doubts you may have about me. For many years since I was a child, I have had a condition called gender dysphoria. Put simply, I identify as a female not a male. Due to certain situations in my life I havn’t been able to disclose this information in the past mostly out of respect for the people around me and more out of fear for the reaction I may get as a result of doing so. 

Last year, some of you may of know that my marriage of almost 20 years broke down and as a result I’m not constricted to hide in the shadows anymore. I have the opportunity to live my life as how I believe I should of for all those years and as part of that, I wanted to include you, the families of Xxxxxxx in what is about to take place. 

Over the next few months or so I will be undertaking different measures to begin my transition including HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). This is not by any means a quick fix and will take time assuming I get approval to begin this treatment in the first place. Once treatment begins you may notice some more obvious changes as time progresses including me leaving the centre as Darren and coming back as Sharon, and dressing as a female member of staff. Rest assured my level of care towards your children will never change as a result. 

The truth is, your children are the ones that have given me the strength to make changes in my life so I can be a better educator. I love my job very much and consider it an honour and a privilege to do what I do everyday and that will never change. Backed by our amazing team at Xxxxxxx I discovered strength I didn’t even know that I possessed to be able to make this dream a reality. 

The simple fact is that we the educators, children and families are a part of a community at Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxxx. A pretty strong community and one that i’m very proud to be part of. With that in mind, I offer full disclosure to anyone who has any questions they may want to ask me. I’m only to happy to address any questions or concerns you may have as I know this is a huge step. Xxxxxx has suggested that if there is enough questions that we maybe able to do an information night to discuss my journey with you. 

I know at the end of the day their maybe some who will have their reservations about this and I get that. For years I asked the question, why me? The truth is, why not. This world is full of people from different walks of life and that is what makes us an amazing country full of many different cultures and diversities. In our centre alone we have families and educators who attend from all round the globe, so having a transgender educator is only going to enrich our community even more. 

I’m going to finish this up now but I wanted it also to be known, that I am Christian and have a very strong faith in God. I read my bible and try and practise living a Christian life where I can. I have had it said to me before from a very good friend of mine “I don’t believe God makes mistakes.” The truth is I don’t either, God sends us tests to test our faith at times and through all of this, the years of living a life that wasn’t my own and the years of depression that went with it….My faith in God remains strong.

Thank you for taking the time to read this today and if you have any questions what so ever. please feel free to ask me as nothing is off limits. I truly won’t be offended.

Darren (Sharon) Priestley.

What Doe's an Endocrinologist Do Anyway?........(Part 9)

Sunday 8th July 2018

Its been a couple of weeks since I sat at the computer and wrote another chapter in my journey. In my last piece, I had just moved away from my wife after being with her for the last 20 years of my life. It was a time filled with a mixture of excitement and if I'm to be totally honest with myself and my readers, a time of sadness. Obviously I was excited because I had finally received acceptance from those who I thought I'd never receive it from. Having it drummed into my head for so many years that I would be considered a freak and no one would accept me was actually a shock to my system. I also felt sadness during this time as I never expected this move to be a permanent solution to my marriage breakdown. I just kind of figured that maybe Maria would see that I was serious about having to be who I needed to be and that it wasn't just a passing phase. 

The plan was just to move into my little unit in my little gated community where I lived and live a life true to myself for the six months of my lease, where at such a time Maria will finally come around to reason and I could move back and live a life together. I was still a firm believer in the institution of marriage and that I took my marriage vows very seriously. 

For the first month or so of our separation, we actually made some positive progress in trying to fix our marriage. We opened a line of communication between us that we hadn't had in years and spent time talking about how the both of us felt. We would some times meet up at a neutral place and just sit in the car and talk for ages. I moved out of our house where we had shared a big part of our lives in July/August 2015. When September rolled around, I decided to ask her out for the day so we could celebrate her birthday together.  I was feeling positive about the steps that we had made in the way of communication and felt that it would be a nice gesture to spend the day together as I didn't want her to be alone on her birthday. 

We packed up our car with pillows, blankets and some food like we had done so many times in the past before and headed down to one of our favourite places on the Mornington Peninsula. We backed our car up to the edge of the water, opened the back of our Ford Territory, put on some nice relaxing music and climbed into the back of our car. We both made ourselves comfortable on the pillows and began talking as we looked out across the rolling waves of the ocean. 

I still remember the conversation so clearly in the back of the Territory that day. After some small talk, she looked at me and told me that there was something that she had to tell me. I remember thinking to myself that she has finally realised that we are better together than we are apart and that she wanted me to move back in. Something had clicked in her mind that yes, she can accept me for who I am like everyone else around me had done and that life could continue on happily ever after. 

What she actually told me, couldn't be further from the truth. Maria wanted to tell me that she had found someone else. That they had met and seemed to hit it off. She wasn't sure where it was heading but she thought it only fair to tell me. I suddenly felt so stupid for thinking that we still had a chance. Hardly a month after leaving her after 20 years, she was telling me that she was developing feelings for someone else. I remember saying to her at the time that I didn't expect that so quick after being together for so long. She replied with, you left me, what did you think I was going to do? Wait forever!

As with most of these Bloggs, this one has taken off in another direction from where I had planned it to go. I don't want to sit here and throw crap at my wife and have you think she is the worst person alive. That's not what this is about. I am from from perfect and I admit that I wasn't the easiest person to live with at the time going through what I was going through. Maria did what she did as a way of coping with the situation, just as I did. Do I blame her for moving on so quickly? Not really, I just wish she had made better choices with whom she moved on with and thought of the wider picture instead of impacting the lives of three other people in the process and no, I'm sorry, I'm choosing not to explain that last sentence any further because I don't want to add to those three innocent peoples pain. 

During these first few months of leaving our house, I was settling into my new unit being him during the day to the outside world and coming home and being myself at night. That was my time to feel totally at peace with myself and who I was. The living area of my house is at the back of it and is surrounded by a big tall fence. I was free to walk around without fear of being judged or persecuted. Also during this time, I had decided to go to my General Practitioner and ask him what my next step was medically. Not that I ever imagined stepping out of my house as myself, but I just wanted to be doing something positive to make myself more myself. 

I had no idea what the process was other than my brother had told me that I needed to see an endocrinologist. My Doctor was more than a little confused at first with what I was trying to tell him. He had never had a Transgender patient before and was a little lost in knowing what to do. I remember him asking me what it was that I wanted him to do. I told him that I wanted some sort of blocker to help with stopping my hair growth. For as long as I can remember, I have always hated body hair. Any opportunity I could take, I would shave it off. This also upset Maria but if I couldn't dress as the person I wanted to be, shaving the hair from my body was like a bit of a compromise which she tolerated barely. 

My Doctor told me that he needed to do some more research before he could prescribe me any form of hormonal blocker, so I left it with him a few days and made another appointment later in the week. A few days later, I was back feeling confident I was going to be walking out with a script only to be told that only an Endocrinologist can prescribe blockers for me. By total fluke my Doctor chose an Endocrinologist that specialised in helping Transgender patients and was a leader in his field. 

This was towards the end of 2015, I couldn't get an appointment with this Doctor till early 2016. It was a bit of a setback at the time because I suddenly felt momentum building, especially after hearing Maria's news that she had moved on with someone new. I guess I kind of felt, well, I need to move forward with my life the best way I can now. 2016 finally arrived, and a few weeks later I had taken the journey to Dandenong Hospital to see Dr Hunter. 

I wasn't a huge fan of Dandenong Hospital as a rule. Trying to get parking is a nightmare like I guess most Hospital's are except my preferred Hospital, Casey. Yes, I have a preferred Hospital, but odd I know but Casey Hospital has always looked after me well over the years whenever I have had to visit. 

My appointment was at the Diabetes Clinic which I thought at the time was an odd place to meet a Transgender Doctor. Before this appointment, I wasn't even sure what an endocrinologist specialist was let alone what he did so yeah, it was a bit of a learning curve. 

I sat in the waiting room having got there an hour early and spent the best part of the next hour watching people coming and going from the busy clinic. The one thing I noticed during this time was that the patients consisted mostly of older people. There was no one like me there so I must admit I felt a little uncomfortable sitting there trying to concentrate on the book I was reading and casually glancing up from the pages to see who was walking past from time to time. 

Eventually a elderly Doctor called out my name. I looked up from my book to see, as you would expect, a elderly man to match the voice calling my name. For some reason, I didn't expect that. I thought he was going to be a young hip doctor with his fingers on the pulse of modern medicine and here was this old tall skinny guy. I learnt very quickly not to judge a book by its cover. This man knew exactly what he was talking about and although I find it hard to trust the male of the species at the best of times, I felt I could trust this guy. 

Dr Hunter explained to me that I needed to see a Gender Psychologist before I could be approved for HRT or Hormone Replacement Therapy. Dr Hunter was able to prescribe me some Hormone Blockers which would help with the hair growth problem. I was on my way, things were actually happening and I could feel that my life was about to change in a way that not even I even anticipated. Every Wednesday night after work for a couple of months I would drive up to Ringwood to see my Gender Psychologist. The Psychologist was a lovely lady and I felt right at home with her straight away. She asked me all kinds of questions about my past and how I got to where I was, some of the questions I must admit I wasn't really prepared for, but I answered them. The final night I saw her she gave me some papers to fill out with even more probing questions but again I went through the process answering every question to the best of my ability till in the end she turned around and told me that this would be our last visit. 

I was a little shocked at first, I asked her if she had come to a conclusion about who I was. She looked at me and told me that it was pretty clear that I had Gender Dysphoria. I can't explain the feeling of emotion I felt at this point. Finally, I had a name for it. After so many years of not knowing what was wrong and wondering why I felt the way I did, someone had finally given me answers to my questions. This also meant that I could take the next step and begin HRT. I walked out of her office that night, went to my car parked in the clinics car-park, and let the emotion over take me. 

The next day I went into work, went into the office and told my Director that I was ready to take the next step and transition and become the woman that I was always meant to be.