Sunday 17th June 2018
Friends have always been an important part of my life. In the earlier days of my life living in the country, I didn't have to many friends, so the ones I did have, I treasured. As I continued to grow up over the years, that ideal stuck. I mean, lets face it, I was never going to be one of the cool kids because honestly, I was always a bit of a social leper. I'd be the one hiding at the back of the room trying not to be noticed and doing my best to avoid both conversation and eye contact during parties or other social situations. I always tried to convince myself, that I didn't need anyone else, but the truth was, I desperately did.
While I was with my wife, I struggled to maintain any type of friendship with anyone because more often than not, my wife wouldn't like my friends. Gosh, half the time she didn't even like her own friends but when it came to my friends, she always thought there was something more to it. I mostly ever had friendships with females, for obvious reasons I always felt that I could relate to them. Friendships with males were far to hard, I simply had nothing in common with them.
Most guys talk about Cars, Sport, Beer and other Girls. On the subject of cars, I seriously don't know anything about them other than the fact I have one and occasionally it needs things like Petrol, Oil and Water. On the subject of Sport, I could fake a little that I knew what I was on about. I mean I had a football team, heck, I even bought a membership for three years for that team. Ask me to name all the players on my team, I might be lucky to name 5 of them. If you asked me about positions on the field, I'd more than likely change the subject. On the subject of beer, I liked certain beers but standing around talking about them and their various different properties confused me. Girls however, I thought I knew a bit about, considering I considered myself one of them. The problem was, male conversations about girls would always end up the same way.
I wasn't planning on taking this Blog here when I started, but thinking about it now, I guess have a unique perspective on the subject as I have been on both sides of the fence so to speak. There has been a lot of talk over the last few days in this country about personal safety for Women and how some Men perceive them only to be here for their own pleasure. The time for victim blaming has to stop and Men need to be held accountable of their own actions. Women shouldn't have to worry about how they act in public in regards to walking around by themselves, what they are wearing or how things they say can be misinterpreted. The simple fact is that there is a certain culture in our country that gives some men the right to think that they can treat Women with a total lack of respect and as nothing more than objects to leer at and make disgusting remarks about. At times I have found myself in the middle of some horrendous conversations that I have had to walk away from because of the content being discussed. Sadly, back then I didn't have the courage to stand up and say, "You need to stop". Some Men need to take a big step back and have a long hard look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves, is this they way civilised people should be acting? I'm I setting a good example for others? How would I feel if this was someone talking about someone I cared about? The time for victim blaming is over, it's time to address the real problem and re-educate some of these cultural problems in our society.
I say some men do this, not all of them thankfully. Some can be kind, considerate and very thoughtful at times. Some can be amazing role models for others to aspire to become. Some even become unlikely hero's to their daughters who hang onto to mostly every word that he says. I have one such male friend, the only one I have let close enough to know who I am. He is funny, he is even crazy at times but best of all, he is an amazing father to two amazing girls who love him with all their hearts. He is also an amazing husband to his awesome wife who just happens to be one of my best friends. Thankfully, he is also an amazing cook which is kind of handy for all of us. He is the kind of guy who has restored my faith in the male of the species because before he came along, lets just say they weren't rating to well in my eye's.
I guess it's fair to say that the majority of the friendships I formed over the years were formed with other girls. My first ever best friend who remains still my longest ever continuing friendship I met while I was living in a flat in Frankston. Not much good came out of living in Frankston for me other than this amazing friendship that has stood the test of time as well as withstood my marriage. Ruth moved in to the unit underneath mine and immediately we hit it off. I'm not sure exactly why our friendship grew as quick as it did, but it just did. Maybe it was because we were both country people living in the city or maybe it was my quirky sense of humour that won her over. Whatever it was, I'm so blessed to have this amazing beautiful soul in my life.
As our friendship grew, we would hangout so much together that we finally decided to move into a 4 bedroom house together. Ruth had the top half of the house, while I took the back two bedrooms. Ruth's Sister lived in town as well which was awesome because every so often, Ruth's Niece and Nephew's would stay over with us. We would hangout together watching movies with the kids and eating snacks or doing fun things around the house like playing games. I remember our house was either filled with laughter, singing or both. Ruth was my soul mate, she was my best friend in the whole world and I loved her to death. It was never anything else than that because it would of ruined everything we had. We had a built up a level of trust with each other to know that we had each others back if we needed it.
Ruth was actually the one who introduced me to the Salvation Army. A whole new world opened up to me after that. For the first time in my life, I actually felt accepted somewhere. To be fair, no one knew who I was, not even Ruth at the time because I was fearful of losing our bond. Sometimes after Church on a Sunday night, we would have some of the youth group back at our place to watch movies or just to fellowship with each other. We also had a bible study group at our house which was always a highlight of our week. A little off topic, but I remember driving around with Ruth one day in her car. Now I hated Spiders, and Ruth used to make a point of telling me how funny she thought it was that whenever I saw a spider, I would grab the fly-spray and continue spraying it till it resembled something like a Christmas snowflake. Well, this one day, I dropped down the.........I want to say sunshade (the thing with the mirror in it that also blocks the sun when your driving) and out fell a Spider. I immediately started screaming Spider. Ruth pulled over to the side of the road and we both jumped out vowing never to jump back in to the Spider moved out.
There is so many Rutha stories I could talk about because they always stay in my mind and reminded me of an amazing time in my life where I felt finally accepted by someone. The day she told me that she was moving away, almost tore me apart. For memory I think I kind of acted like a bit of spoilt brat at the time. I mean I wanted to be happy for her, she was heading off to start a new chapter in her life and all I could think about was what was I going to do. As it turned out, i was going to be ok. I still had the Salvo's and a new house mate moved in. Not long after that, I met my future wife.
The first time Maria met Ruth was awkward. Maria was already showing signs of being over possessive but she told me that she had been hurt before and I made allowances for her behaviour. It was like Maria was searching for any reason not to like her and she would dissect every thing she said desperately looking for justification for her feelings. Then the bombshell was dropped and Maria got what she wanted. At one point during the conversation the question was put to Maria, how old was she. Maria replied and Rutha said, "Awwwwww, your still only a baby." doing her best to lighten the mood and pay her a compliment at the same time. Sadly, Maria didn't see it this way and recounted to me over the years so many times how my best friend in the world called her a baby.
Following that encounter the mere mention of the name Ruth around Maria would send plumes of smoke out of her ears. Sadly, we lost contact for a some time and I missed so much of her life due to Maria's petty jealousy. It wasn't until Ruth's 40th birthday when I was contacted by Ruth's Niece and her Sister to surprise Ruth at her party. I was so excited to hear from them after so long and although it knew it was going to be a tough sell with Maria, I was determined to go.
The day of the actually party had arrived and we had been in discussions about the party but Maria was adamant that she wasn't going to attend a party where the guest of honour thought she was a baby. I think in the end, pretty much told her that was the way she was acting and I just jumped in the car without a change of clothes and began the drive to Warnambool. I think that was the start of my rebellious streak. I met up with Ruth a few more times after that in similar circumstances destined not to let the best thing in my life go away again. I think my defiance in the end payed off in the end because in a strange twist of fate, Maria actually invited Ruth to my 40th the following year.
Ruth and I and have remain in contact off and on over the years since. I had the absolute pleasure last year of attending her wedding to an amazing guy who I know makes her both happy and complete. Ruth has two amazing girls that have learnt their Mothers compassion and kindness and are continuing on forging their own paths in life. I couldn't be prouder of these three strong amazing women.
Rutha and my friendship was the catalyst for me to find more friendships that eventually lead me to two other girls who I became close with who became the first to know my secret which started the unstoppable move to becoming Sharon.
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