Sunday 22nd July 2018
This next chapter or part of this journey, I have agonised over for the last month or so on how to write it and even if to write it at all. The reason being is that I want to protect as many people as I can from any form of negative feedback that may occur as result of my writing. Not that I can foresee any negative feedback coming from this but a lot of people have stuck their neck out for me and supported me when it would have been so much easy to dismiss me, as my wife did for so many years, as someone with mental issues. So, I guess if I seem a little vague in places or a bit thin on content, please understand that it is for a reason. Having said that, I will try and explain as much as I can about the whole transition process as it is a very important part of this journey.
A wise lady recently told me after hearing my story, that she didn't like me referring to my journey as my transition. I already knew who I was, it was up to every one else around me to transition. Those words have stuck with me since because she was absolutely right. I had known since the age of 11 who I was, I had imagined this point in my life for many years before and wondering if it would ever play out or was I going to be destined to live a life living locked behind my closet doors.
From the moment that I sat down with my Director, after my Gender Psychologist appointment and had made the decision that I wanted to move forward and match the outside of my body with what I felt inside, everything all of a sudden became real. This was actually going to happen. My Director asked me how I wanted to go about it and I was like, I don't know, all I know is that I ready to make this happen.
To my surprise, my Director had already been in contact with our governing body, the Department of Human Services (DHS) and asked them what we needed to do to stay within their guidelines. They replied by saying that they really weren't sure as I was the first educator in the Early Childhood Sector that had openly come out and had made the decision to transition. There was this moment between us in the office that day after hearing this that our centre was about to make history. They told my Director as long as I obtained a change of name or birth certificate reflecting my names, then it should be OK.
That was exactly what I did, I eagerly sent away the form to Birth Deaths and Marriages and a few weeks later I had a brand new Birth Certificate reflecting my new name. Sharon Olivia Priestley was finally a realisation and not just an unachievable dream. As soon as I received my Birth Cert, the next step was to bring the rest of my ID up to date. Drivers Licence, Medicare, Bank Details, Lease Agreement on the unit I am living in. I can not explain the sense of joy I felt as I finally started seeing my name appear on my documents and that other name started disappearing from circulation.
Probably a good time to explain why I chose Sharon Olivia. Sharon was always going to be my name my mother once told me if the Doctors had of told her that she had a girl. I kind of liked it, so I kept it and I thought that it was a way of connecting some part of the past to the future. Olivia is the name of one of my kids that I have had in my classroom over the years. She bonded to me pretty much straight away and became very possessive of anyone getting close to me, even her sister. She was four at the time, she's now almost ten years old and she has learnt to share me with her Sister a bit more now a days. Both girls are like my little sisters, in fact that's how I actually introduce them now if anyone asks. The two girls and their parents have kind of adopted me as a member of their family now. Such was the impact Olivia and Maddie have made on me over time. I could never imagine in my wildest dreams how much these two children could teach me about acceptance.
I had told the two girls parents about what was about to happen and we decided that we needed to let the girls know before they found out through some other means. So we decided to sit the girls down together and explain to them as a family, what was about to happen. The conversation sort of went like, Mum feels like a girl inside and Dad feels like a boy inside and knows he is, as does Mum. Sometimes, people don't feel like that inside, sometimes some people look like boys but actually feel like a girl. That's what's happening to me and I want to change that so the outside matches my inside. The two girls looked at each other and said "OK". We all looked at each other for a moment and we further explained that I was going to be starting to dress more like a girl now and grow my hair out and change the way I looked. Again, Maddie and Olivia looked at each other and said "OK". With that we asked if they had any questions, which they said no and with that, they jumped off their chairs and walked away. I kind of felt instantly worried that I may loose these to beautiful kids that mean so much and have touched my heart in ways that I never felt possible but i needn't of worried.
A few moments later the girls returned back to the table with a big box and laid it on the table. Both girls looked at each other then looked at me and I think it was Maddie who said, "We were wondering as because your becoming a girl, we wanted to give you a make over with our make-up". Even writing about this now I have tears in my eyes thinking about the love I have for these kids and how beautiful they are. As like now I felt the tears well in my eyes and I hugged them both so tightly and told them of course they could. That was the first of many make overs that I received from the girls. They gave me the full treatment. Eyes, Nails, Face, Hair, they had it covered.
Meanwhile, back at my centre, things were moving there also. My Director had told me that she had got in contact with our Head-office and informed them about what we were doing and they reacted straight away by sending their top managers on courses to see how best to help and support me and the children during the transition process. I was blown away by this news, never had I expected to hear or feel that level of support from anyone, much less from my employer.
My Director also told me that she had got in contact with a person from a group who specialised in helping mostly school based Educators to transition. To be honest, at this point I'd never heard of this group so I went along with it. I was given a contact number and during a break, called the number and spoke to a guy on the other end. He asked me about myself and started asking questions at the time about things I couldn't answer regarding my transition process. I told him that I was wasn't sure how to go about it and that's when he began telling me about what they did. He told me that their organisation was set up to help mostly children with the transition process in school situations and that I was the first that they had heard of in the Early Childhood Sector. I told him that we had heard a similar comment from DHS. He told me part of what they did was to help protect children from being bullied by other children as a result of coming out.
After that conversation, I was ready to sign up. A few days later, there was like an outcry of negative stories in the media. I listened to these stories and was convinced it was just people commenting on something they had no idea about. One of my very dear friends who also has school aged children and I have known for many years started posting all this negative material on social media and I found myself defending them saying that they aren't about what your claiming. Their actually trying to help children and protect them from being bullied. My friend was adamant that she was right and I was wrong. Just as much as I was adamant that I was right and she was wrong. Truth be told, I almost lost her friendship over it until the day we spoke about it and I started seeing things from her perspective and why she view somethings a little different than I did.
When the decision came that we were dropping the program, I was kind of relieved to be honest. With all the negativity surrounding the group at the time, I was worried that it may come down on my centre and reflect badly upon us. The decision came from one of the very same mangers that had just come fresh from her course on how best to support the centre during the transition. They guy from the group, wanted to conduct a meeting or an information night at the centre where I would be reading out a coming out statement and the floor would be open to questions from any concerned parents. The Manager lady from head-office said "No way, we are not going to put you in a situation where the it might turn into a pack mentality and you end up getting attacked. We want to protect you." So, at the eleventh hour, the meeting was called off and I was protected from any negativity.
It was a crazy time in my life. While all this was going on in the background, I was continuing to keep a lid on the fact that my dream was about to become a very real reality and that my amazing centre was about to create history. I had lots of people asking me questions, I had a reporter trying to contact me for a story, which was like wow, really. Each day I would make my way around the staff and tell them about what was about to take place and that if they wanted to ask me anything at all not to hesitate. In this respect I have always wanted to be transparent because the more open I am about who I am, the easier it makes it for the next person to take that leap of faith.
The staff were amazing when I told them. Their were some I put off telling until I really couldn't leave it to any longer. The reason being because I didn't want to do anything that offended their cultural beliefs as we were a very multi-cultural centre with educators from all around the world. When I first started at the centre, their was one lady that refused to use the same toilet as I because of her religious beliefs. Thankfully we moved past that and we respected each other more so in the end. Having said that, I was still frightened to tell her that the person that she had known for the past few years wasn't who she thought they were. I sat her down and made sure that some of the other girls were in the room so they could try to explain what I was saying if I made a mess of it. Nervously I began to speak and at the end of it she thanked me for coming and telling her in person and respecting her enough to share this news.
As I said, I left it pretty open so anyone could ask me any question they wanted to so they could understand better what was happening. I got all the questions that I expected like, "How long have you known?" "What does your family say?" "Are you going to grow your hair?" "What's going to be your new name?" "Are you going to get the operation?" As well as I got some questions that I didn't expect such as this one "If you become a girl, will that will mean that you will start to get the......you know, girl thing once a month?" Hmmmm, Don't know why, but I didn't see that coming. Let me try to answer that one with the benefit of hindsight. At the time I told her that it was biologically impossible because I didn't have the right plumbing for that to happen. Having been this way for a couple of years now, I'd like to revisit that answer and say yes. There are certain times of the month that i feel more emotional or moody than others and yes, chocolate helps a lot. Hormones can do some amazing things to ones body that's for sure.
It was decided instead of the meeting, we were going to send out an information pack to all of the families to let them know what was happening and that if they had any concerns that they were welcome to discuss it with the extended management team that included a few of the managers from head office that had completed the course as well as our area manager. That offer was also open to any Educators that may feel uneasy and needed to chat about any concerns and of course it was made quite clear to me that if I felt like I was being treated any different or being disrespected by anyone, that I had a safe place to go to voice my concerns.
In the end, I didn't need to voice any concerns at all. It was decided that finally, with the Easter break approaching that Darren would work his last day on the Thursday before Good Friday and that I would start work on Easter Tuesday. I walked into work on that first day feeling a mixture of nervous excitement. Once again I needn't of worried, I had an amazing Management team waiting to catch me if I fell and after a quick pep-talk, I walked into the room for the first time. The room fell silent for a few moments and after a what seemed like forever, one of the children finally broke the silence and asked, "Why are you wearing that?" pointing at my skirt. I crouched down beside him and told him it was because I like it. The child thought for a moment before giving me a look that said, fair enough, then he moved on and continued building a castle with some wooden blocks.
Throughout that first day and the days following I received so many messages of support from the families, staff and management team of head-office and at centre level. I had parents coming up to me and just hugging me and saying things like "You go girl", "You are so brave" and even words like, "Thank you for teaching my child the true meaning of acceptance".
I will never be able to thank my families, fellow Educators and of course the Management team of my amazing company for supporting me through this whole time. You exceeded all of my expectations and I will always be thankful for the amazing level of support you offered me during your Transition.
That first Christmas was amazing. Being an Educator, it wouldn't be uncommon for me to receive Christmas gifts from the families for looking after their children for the year. I always considered that it wasn't necessary because trusting me to take care of them on their very important journey was gift enough to me. I would always get things like a box of Cadbury favourites (which I love) or a bottle or red. This year, I noticed the gifts were very different. I received so much Jewellery and a Jewellery box, Perfume, Soaps, Candles, flowers, chocolates and bottles of Moscato. Not that I needed proof, but if I was ever looking for it to tell me that I was accepted, this was it.
On a personal level, this was also the Christmas that after 16 months after walking away from my 20 year marriage, I discovered how to love someone again with a love thats more pure than anything that I have ever felt before. But, thats another story.
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