P.s..... I Love You..........(Part 11)

Tuesday 24th July 2018

There was a girl back in school in Nhill, my home town who I loved more than any other girl at the time. She was beautiful, she was popular, she was blond, blue eyed and her name was Lisa. Sadly Lisa didn't know I even existed and why would she, she was adored by everyone and the closest I ever got to being with her was at family function that we were invited to and thankfully it was a member of her family having a birthday so she kind of had to be there. For a brief moment in time, we actually danced together at this party. The world stood still for that moment and I valued every minute of that dance all through high school and still remember it fondly today.

I loved everything about Lisa. I loved the sound of her sweet voice and the way she would laugh when she spoken to anyone else but me. She had a style all of her own and I so wanted to be her. Years later I heard that she had moved to another country town and became a Dental Assistant. I found her on Facebook once and friended her. I was so happy to finally find her after all these years and to make contact with her. She didn't feel the same clearly, because not long after accepting me, she deleted me again. I don't blame her in a way, I always tried so hard to impress her and truth be told I probably sound like a blithering fool. You know when you are so awe struck by someone, you can't actually string a sentence together that makes sense. That was the effect Lisa had on me. For someone who prides themselves on being articulate, when Lisa was around, I kind of just lost the plot. She was indeed my Winnie Cooper. (Insert Wonders Years reference here). 

I brought up Lisa for a reason here. I have always loved the name Lisa. If I had a daughter, I would have named her Lisa. It's just a beautiful name and for me it encapsulates all that is good and kind in the world. Chances are, if I met you in my day to day life and your name was Lisa, you would be off to an unfair advantage in the popularity stakes. 

I have always known I was interested in girls, there is something about them that just captivates me. There has never been any doubt what so ever what side of the fence I was on. Girls all the way. I guess I'm over emphasising this point because to some, it's hard for them to get their head around that I identify as a woman, yet I'm attracted to women also. In fact it was one of the most frequently asked questions that I got asked. Some even just assume that I'm into men, which at times becomes a little awkward when I have to say ahhhh, no, your barking up the wrong tree. 

As I have stated before, I have nothing in common with Men in any shape way or form. I just don't get them. I can't talk to them and I don't mean in a Lisa can't talk to them kind of way, I just mean I have nothing in common with them. I had to ask one of my best friends husband the other day where to put the oil in my car because I had no idea. That's not saying all women don't know where to put oil in a car, it's just saying I don't. I was so scared about buying the wrong oil for my car that I had actually put any in it for three years. I know right!!! 

I'm sure I wasn't always this bad, I know where the water goes in the car, for the radiator. I even did that in my old car which was much bigger than the one I have now, and truth be told I'm pretty sure I put oil in my big car because you couldn't miss where the oil went in it because it was right on top of the engine. Oh, I have never changed a car tyre, Maria always did that. Awkward. In fact Maria did most of the traditional bloke stuff in the house. Just wasn't me, I preferred the cooking in the kitchen part was more my style. She can have the mowing and weed pulling, I wanted to create culinary masterpieces instead. On weekends I excelled at it. During the week, I passed enough to keep everyone fed and happy. 

Back to Lisa, I want to continue from where I left off on part ten, talking about falling in love again for the first time since walking away from Maria and our marriage. I'm not going to use this girls real name because I know she wouldn't want that. So I will refer to her as Lisa from this point onwards. It seems somewhat appropriate the old Lisa was my first real love and the new Lisa is my first real love 16 months after my marriage ended. 

This feeling took me by complete surprise. I didn't go looking for it and I certainly didn't mean for it to happen, but it did and it was a beautiful time for me because it proved to me that I was totally capable of loving someone again after the years of pain that I had lived through previous to that. 

Its kind of easy to understand why I fell for this Lisa, she is a  beautiful person with a heart full of sunshine that she shone on everyone that she came into contact with everyday. She is softly spoken, kind, gentle and just an amazing soul. It would be hard not to fall in love with her to be honest. 

I first met Lisa a few years ago now. Our first encounter wasn't particularly memorable other than I remember thinking that she seemed nice. As I got to know her over time, she began to make an impression on me. She was married, she seemed like she was happy in her life and projected that happiness everywhere she went. She was very well liked because she always had that ability to walk into a room and light up a whole place with her smile. 

As the years rolled on, things started to change for Lisa and the once happy girl that I had known found herself dealing with issues that no one should have to deal with. To her credit, she made it through and began the task of working on a new path without her partner.  

It was about a year later that I started going through my dramas with my own marriage and at that point where I needed to leave. Lisa was able to give me some advice along the way which was helpful but what I really admired about her, was the way she just picked up her life and moved forward. I have never actually told her this before, but her strength that she displayed during that hard time was so inspiring to me and helped me deal with what  I was about to go through myself. 

All through that time in my life when I needed support, Lisa was there. I mean she wasn't in your face. She was more of the cheering you on from the side lines when you needed that extra boost to get you over the line. 

Over the last 5-6 months of 2016, our friendship grew more and I began to look upon her as like a little Sister figure. I was there for her and same with her there for me when either one of us needed cheering up or extra motivation to get us through a rough patch. It was a friendship that went beyond anything that I had before. 

Christmas day 2016, Lisa contacted me and asked if she could drop by my house because she had a gift for me. I was like you didn't have to do that, all the while thinking, I'm so glad you did because I had nothing else to open Christmas day as our family gets together on Boxing day for lunch, so Christmas day 2016 was going to be a very quiet day spent by myself. 

Lisa dropped around and we greeted each other with the customary hug that seemed to of taken place every time we saw each other. I offered her a drink, everything seemed quite normal, we sat down and began talking about how Christmas days didn't seem the same anymore after the last year or two. I was finding Christmas Eve particular hard because Maria and I always made such a big thing of it and its not the same spending it alone. 

I began telling Lisa how proud I was of her and everything that she had achieved over the last few months. I told her how much I appreciated our friendship and how much I valued her as a person. I told her that I thought she was an amazing person full of light and then it happened. I felt myself tearing up as I spoke. I was seriously getting very emotional and I was like, what on earth is going on here. Lisa had to head off somewhere for lunch so we once again hugged and said goodbye. 

As soon as she left I was walking down my hallway thinking to myself, what the hell was that? I mean I'm an emotional basket case at the best of times but to actually get emotional like that over a seemingly normal conversation was like why? Then it hit me like a bolt out of the blue. I had develop feelings for Lisa. 

I was immediately confronted with the question, how did this happen? I mean, oh my goodness, she is an amazing girl who just brightens my day anytime that I see her but I hadn't felt like this for anyone ages. I hadn't felt these sorts of feelings since I met Maria and we were first dating. I had forgotten what they felt like and they were seriously overtaking me and it felt freaking amazing. 

All of a sudden I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Lisa. She entered into every conscious thought I had. "Wonder what Lisa is doing" "Wonder if she is OK." "I can't wait to see her next".  I found myself waiting at times for her to come online so I could just say hello, how was your day? I would hear a song and somehow relate it back to Lisa and what I was feeling for her. 

I finally plucked up the courage from somewhere to actually ask her around for dinner one night. During the many conversations we had had over time, we both discovered that Lasagna was one of our favourite things to eat. Lisa had told me that the one she made was really good and I told her that I would love to try it one day. That day came and I have to admit, it was freaking amazing and I still remember it to this day. I thought for a moment, that I maybe in a bit of trouble if I have to compete against this masterpiece, but a promise was a promise and that's what I made for us for dinner. 

The night Lisa came around was amazing. We talked for ages about everything that ignited and inspired us. We had so much in common and I felt a real connection with her stronger than I had felt in years. I served her my version of the Lasagna and she thankfully told me that she thought it was amazing. We talked into the night some more until she had to leave. We agreed to meet up the following day for lunch to finish of the leftovers of the lasagna. 

That lunch time, I met up with Lisa and we sat at a table with others in the room but I wouldn't have even realised because I tuned them out and focused on one thing only, Lisa's words. There could have been a crowd of people gathered around that day, but I only had eye's for Lisa. 

As time went on more and more I found myself almost obsessing about her. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she had began consuming every one of my waking hours. When she started creeping into my dreams also, I thought I needed to do something about it. I remember waking up early one morning after dreaming about Lisa once more and decided that I needed to put my feelings down in writing and tell her how I felt. I wasn't sure how it would go but I just felt I needed to let her know what I was feeling. So I got out of bed, opened up my computer, and put what I felt into words. 

I didn't actually mention her name in the piece, but felt very sure she would know who this letter or words were meant for. I posted as a note on Facebook as I did quite often when writing about my feelings and emotions. Not long after posting, I saw that she was on messenger so I sent her a message to say good morning. I then told her that she needed to read the note that I had just posted. Now some of you maybe thinking, why did I write a note? Why didn't I just tell her in person and sweep her off her feet. Well, to be honest, I was worried that I would start tearing up again and wouldn't be able to get my message across effectively so I chose to write it. 

I waited for what seemed like forever for Lisa to read my note all the time feeling my heart beating in my chest so hard that I thought I would die before she got back to me with a reply. When she did get back to me her reply was not what I hoped for, but kind of expected. Lisa told me that she was very flattered and Kudos to me for having the guts to say how I felt but she didn't feel the same way in return. She was happy to remain friends but that was all. 

Really, what else did I expect. She was way out of my league and I was crazy for thinking that I could ever be that lucky to have such a beautiful person in my life. She was and is younger than I am, more beautiful than mere words here can explain both inside and out and what on earth could I possibly offer her in return? Nothing. 

Time went on and things became a little awkward between us for a while. I had to convince myself that I needed to come up with a solution to fix the problem that I had created. I remember telling her one day that "It's OK, I'm good again, I think it must just be the hormones screwing me around, probably nothing to worry about". Lisa seemed to accept this and was happy to move forward and put all this behind us. That would have been good if I had just stuck to the plan. I discovered that I just couldn't switch my feelings off that easy and pretend that everything was OK. These are feelings that I hadn't felt in over 20 years remember and I wasn't ready to let them go just yet. 

I began finding excuses just to see her, silly excuses most of the time but reasons just to be in her presence. Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure what I was trying to achieve. Probably trying to convince her that we could make something out of nothing if we tried but it was never going to work. I remember the first time Lisa actually snapped at me. I must of been pushing to hard or something and she quite rightfully snapped at me. I honestly almost cried then and there on the spot. I actually had to speak to a friend about it I was that devastated. "I can't believe it, Lisa actually snapped at me' I told my friend. My friend asked why? I was like, "I don't know, but she's never done that before". 

I decided I needed to try and distance myself from her after that and found myself getting into online dating to try and get my mind of Lisa. I had met a few people online and one particular match was looking kind of promising. I quickly announced to the world that I was "in a relationship" on Facebook and went and told Lisa that I had moved on that I was OK again and ready to continue our friendship. She cautiously agreed and everything was fine again for a while, or so it seemed. 

I kind of sabotaged any chance with anyone else because I found myself comparing them to Lisa. If a girl didn't have the "Lisa factor" as I called it, there was no point continuing on. The "Lisa factor" was defined simply as, if there was no spark like there was with Lisa on Christmas Day 2016, it just wasn't worth it. In reality, it was more that I was looking for an excuse because I knew to well that I had way to stronger feelings for Lisa and it wasn't fair on anyone to pursue another relationship till I had dealt with that.

Easter 2017 rolled around and I previous to this I had made back some ground in my regaining my friendship with Lisa. Lisa was going away for Easter with her family. I wasn't going to see her for almost a week and all of a sudden I felt lost. I fell into this deep depression where all I could think about was her again. I found post after post and related them to my situation and shared them. It got to the point where one of my best friends said to me, if you don't stop this, yo are going to loose Lisa forever. 

Hearing those words was almost to much to bare. The thought of losing Lisa for good was finally the thing that shook me out of it thanks to the words of a very wise friend who doesn't always tells me what I want to hear, but tells me what I need to hear. She was dead right. I loved her to much to lose her completely so I figured if I only have her friendship, that was enough for me compared to the alliterative. 

Since then we have rebuilt our friendship to a point that we are amazing friends and no that we each have each others back when the other one needs it. October last year Lisa needed a friend to support her, I dropped everything and was there by her side to help her through her tough time. November last year, I went through a tough time, Lisa in turn helped me through it. 

Apart of me will always love Lisa with all my heart. The day will come sooner than I prepared for that she will find that special someone who will whisk her off her feet and be the perfect one for her and I will feel a tiny bit heartbroken. Having said that, I will also be very happy for her because I know that above all else in this world, Lisa deserves to be loved for the beautiful, amazing soul that she is. My only wish is that that person loves her as much as I do and I know she will lead a beautiful happy rich life filled with  love. 

Thank you so much for you patients and understanding Lisa while I went off the rails there. You are an amazing person who I love more with each new day. I know you are about to be begin a new chapter in your life and I couldn't be more happier or prouder of you. You are now and for always be my beautiful little Sister. 

Letter to the Families that has never been seen.........(Part 10.1)

Dear Parents and Families,

I wanted to take this moment to share something with you about myself. 

A lot of you may of noticed in the last 6 months that there has been some noticeable changes in my appearance. Different clothes, longer hair and the occasional appearance of make up on me. I would like to address this with you now and try to answer any questions or doubts you may have about me. For many years since I was a child, I have had a condition called gender dysphoria. Put simply, I identify as a female not a male. Due to certain situations in my life I havn’t been able to disclose this information in the past mostly out of respect for the people around me and more out of fear for the reaction I may get as a result of doing so. 

Last year, some of you may of know that my marriage of almost 20 years broke down and as a result I’m not constricted to hide in the shadows anymore. I have the opportunity to live my life as how I believe I should of for all those years and as part of that, I wanted to include you, the families of Xxxxxxx in what is about to take place. 

Over the next few months or so I will be undertaking different measures to begin my transition including HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). This is not by any means a quick fix and will take time assuming I get approval to begin this treatment in the first place. Once treatment begins you may notice some more obvious changes as time progresses including me leaving the centre as Darren and coming back as Sharon, and dressing as a female member of staff. Rest assured my level of care towards your children will never change as a result. 

The truth is, your children are the ones that have given me the strength to make changes in my life so I can be a better educator. I love my job very much and consider it an honour and a privilege to do what I do everyday and that will never change. Backed by our amazing team at Xxxxxxx I discovered strength I didn’t even know that I possessed to be able to make this dream a reality. 

The simple fact is that we the educators, children and families are a part of a community at Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxxx. A pretty strong community and one that i’m very proud to be part of. With that in mind, I offer full disclosure to anyone who has any questions they may want to ask me. I’m only to happy to address any questions or concerns you may have as I know this is a huge step. Xxxxxx has suggested that if there is enough questions that we maybe able to do an information night to discuss my journey with you. 

I know at the end of the day their maybe some who will have their reservations about this and I get that. For years I asked the question, why me? The truth is, why not. This world is full of people from different walks of life and that is what makes us an amazing country full of many different cultures and diversities. In our centre alone we have families and educators who attend from all round the globe, so having a transgender educator is only going to enrich our community even more. 

I’m going to finish this up now but I wanted it also to be known, that I am Christian and have a very strong faith in God. I read my bible and try and practise living a Christian life where I can. I have had it said to me before from a very good friend of mine “I don’t believe God makes mistakes.” The truth is I don’t either, God sends us tests to test our faith at times and through all of this, the years of living a life that wasn’t my own and the years of depression that went with it….My faith in God remains strong.

Thank you for taking the time to read this today and if you have any questions what so ever. please feel free to ask me as nothing is off limits. I truly won’t be offended.

Darren (Sharon) Priestley.

What Doe's an Endocrinologist Do Anyway?........(Part 9)

Sunday 8th July 2018

Its been a couple of weeks since I sat at the computer and wrote another chapter in my journey. In my last piece, I had just moved away from my wife after being with her for the last 20 years of my life. It was a time filled with a mixture of excitement and if I'm to be totally honest with myself and my readers, a time of sadness. Obviously I was excited because I had finally received acceptance from those who I thought I'd never receive it from. Having it drummed into my head for so many years that I would be considered a freak and no one would accept me was actually a shock to my system. I also felt sadness during this time as I never expected this move to be a permanent solution to my marriage breakdown. I just kind of figured that maybe Maria would see that I was serious about having to be who I needed to be and that it wasn't just a passing phase. 

The plan was just to move into my little unit in my little gated community where I lived and live a life true to myself for the six months of my lease, where at such a time Maria will finally come around to reason and I could move back and live a life together. I was still a firm believer in the institution of marriage and that I took my marriage vows very seriously. 

For the first month or so of our separation, we actually made some positive progress in trying to fix our marriage. We opened a line of communication between us that we hadn't had in years and spent time talking about how the both of us felt. We would some times meet up at a neutral place and just sit in the car and talk for ages. I moved out of our house where we had shared a big part of our lives in July/August 2015. When September rolled around, I decided to ask her out for the day so we could celebrate her birthday together.  I was feeling positive about the steps that we had made in the way of communication and felt that it would be a nice gesture to spend the day together as I didn't want her to be alone on her birthday. 

We packed up our car with pillows, blankets and some food like we had done so many times in the past before and headed down to one of our favourite places on the Mornington Peninsula. We backed our car up to the edge of the water, opened the back of our Ford Territory, put on some nice relaxing music and climbed into the back of our car. We both made ourselves comfortable on the pillows and began talking as we looked out across the rolling waves of the ocean. 

I still remember the conversation so clearly in the back of the Territory that day. After some small talk, she looked at me and told me that there was something that she had to tell me. I remember thinking to myself that she has finally realised that we are better together than we are apart and that she wanted me to move back in. Something had clicked in her mind that yes, she can accept me for who I am like everyone else around me had done and that life could continue on happily ever after. 

What she actually told me, couldn't be further from the truth. Maria wanted to tell me that she had found someone else. That they had met and seemed to hit it off. She wasn't sure where it was heading but she thought it only fair to tell me. I suddenly felt so stupid for thinking that we still had a chance. Hardly a month after leaving her after 20 years, she was telling me that she was developing feelings for someone else. I remember saying to her at the time that I didn't expect that so quick after being together for so long. She replied with, you left me, what did you think I was going to do? Wait forever!

As with most of these Bloggs, this one has taken off in another direction from where I had planned it to go. I don't want to sit here and throw crap at my wife and have you think she is the worst person alive. That's not what this is about. I am from from perfect and I admit that I wasn't the easiest person to live with at the time going through what I was going through. Maria did what she did as a way of coping with the situation, just as I did. Do I blame her for moving on so quickly? Not really, I just wish she had made better choices with whom she moved on with and thought of the wider picture instead of impacting the lives of three other people in the process and no, I'm sorry, I'm choosing not to explain that last sentence any further because I don't want to add to those three innocent peoples pain. 

During these first few months of leaving our house, I was settling into my new unit being him during the day to the outside world and coming home and being myself at night. That was my time to feel totally at peace with myself and who I was. The living area of my house is at the back of it and is surrounded by a big tall fence. I was free to walk around without fear of being judged or persecuted. Also during this time, I had decided to go to my General Practitioner and ask him what my next step was medically. Not that I ever imagined stepping out of my house as myself, but I just wanted to be doing something positive to make myself more myself. 

I had no idea what the process was other than my brother had told me that I needed to see an endocrinologist. My Doctor was more than a little confused at first with what I was trying to tell him. He had never had a Transgender patient before and was a little lost in knowing what to do. I remember him asking me what it was that I wanted him to do. I told him that I wanted some sort of blocker to help with stopping my hair growth. For as long as I can remember, I have always hated body hair. Any opportunity I could take, I would shave it off. This also upset Maria but if I couldn't dress as the person I wanted to be, shaving the hair from my body was like a bit of a compromise which she tolerated barely. 

My Doctor told me that he needed to do some more research before he could prescribe me any form of hormonal blocker, so I left it with him a few days and made another appointment later in the week. A few days later, I was back feeling confident I was going to be walking out with a script only to be told that only an Endocrinologist can prescribe blockers for me. By total fluke my Doctor chose an Endocrinologist that specialised in helping Transgender patients and was a leader in his field. 

This was towards the end of 2015, I couldn't get an appointment with this Doctor till early 2016. It was a bit of a setback at the time because I suddenly felt momentum building, especially after hearing Maria's news that she had moved on with someone new. I guess I kind of felt, well, I need to move forward with my life the best way I can now. 2016 finally arrived, and a few weeks later I had taken the journey to Dandenong Hospital to see Dr Hunter. 

I wasn't a huge fan of Dandenong Hospital as a rule. Trying to get parking is a nightmare like I guess most Hospital's are except my preferred Hospital, Casey. Yes, I have a preferred Hospital, but odd I know but Casey Hospital has always looked after me well over the years whenever I have had to visit. 

My appointment was at the Diabetes Clinic which I thought at the time was an odd place to meet a Transgender Doctor. Before this appointment, I wasn't even sure what an endocrinologist specialist was let alone what he did so yeah, it was a bit of a learning curve. 

I sat in the waiting room having got there an hour early and spent the best part of the next hour watching people coming and going from the busy clinic. The one thing I noticed during this time was that the patients consisted mostly of older people. There was no one like me there so I must admit I felt a little uncomfortable sitting there trying to concentrate on the book I was reading and casually glancing up from the pages to see who was walking past from time to time. 

Eventually a elderly Doctor called out my name. I looked up from my book to see, as you would expect, a elderly man to match the voice calling my name. For some reason, I didn't expect that. I thought he was going to be a young hip doctor with his fingers on the pulse of modern medicine and here was this old tall skinny guy. I learnt very quickly not to judge a book by its cover. This man knew exactly what he was talking about and although I find it hard to trust the male of the species at the best of times, I felt I could trust this guy. 

Dr Hunter explained to me that I needed to see a Gender Psychologist before I could be approved for HRT or Hormone Replacement Therapy. Dr Hunter was able to prescribe me some Hormone Blockers which would help with the hair growth problem. I was on my way, things were actually happening and I could feel that my life was about to change in a way that not even I even anticipated. Every Wednesday night after work for a couple of months I would drive up to Ringwood to see my Gender Psychologist. The Psychologist was a lovely lady and I felt right at home with her straight away. She asked me all kinds of questions about my past and how I got to where I was, some of the questions I must admit I wasn't really prepared for, but I answered them. The final night I saw her she gave me some papers to fill out with even more probing questions but again I went through the process answering every question to the best of my ability till in the end she turned around and told me that this would be our last visit. 

I was a little shocked at first, I asked her if she had come to a conclusion about who I was. She looked at me and told me that it was pretty clear that I had Gender Dysphoria. I can't explain the feeling of emotion I felt at this point. Finally, I had a name for it. After so many years of not knowing what was wrong and wondering why I felt the way I did, someone had finally given me answers to my questions. This also meant that I could take the next step and begin HRT. I walked out of her office that night, went to my car parked in the clinics car-park, and let the emotion over take me. 

The next day I went into work, went into the office and told my Director that I was ready to take the next step and transition and become the woman that I was always meant to be.

OK, I'm ready, Lets Make History!.....(Part 10)

Sunday 22nd July 2018

This next chapter or part of this journey, I have agonised over for the last month or so on how to write it and even if to write it at all. The reason being is that I want to protect as many people as I can from any form of negative feedback that may occur as result of my writing.  Not that I can foresee any negative feedback coming from this but a lot of people have stuck their neck out for me and supported me when it would have been so much easy to dismiss me, as my wife did for so many years, as someone with mental issues. So, I guess if I seem a little vague in places or a bit thin on content, please understand that it is for a reason. Having said that, I will try and explain as much as I can about the whole transition process as it is a very important part of this journey. 

A wise lady recently told me after hearing my story, that she didn't like me referring to my journey as my transition. I already knew who I was, it was up to every one else around me to transition. Those words have stuck with me since because she was absolutely right. I had known since the age of 11 who I was, I had imagined this point in my life for many years before and wondering if it would ever play out or was I going to be destined to live a life living locked behind my closet doors. 

From the moment that I sat down with my Director, after my Gender Psychologist appointment and had made the decision that I wanted to move forward and match the outside of my body with what I felt inside, everything all of a sudden became real. This was actually going to happen. My Director asked me how I wanted to go about it and I was like, I don't know, all I know is that I ready to make this happen. 

To my surprise, my Director had already been in contact with our governing body, the Department of Human Services (DHS) and asked them what we needed to do to stay within their guidelines. They replied by saying that they really weren't sure as I was the first educator in the Early Childhood Sector that had openly come out and had made the decision to transition. There was this moment between us in the office that day after hearing this that our centre was about to make history. They told my Director as long as I obtained a change of name or birth certificate reflecting my names, then it should be OK. 

That was exactly what I did, I eagerly sent away the form to Birth Deaths and Marriages and a few weeks later I had a brand new Birth Certificate reflecting my new name. Sharon Olivia Priestley was finally a realisation and not just an unachievable dream. As soon as I received my Birth Cert, the next step was to bring the rest of my ID up to date. Drivers Licence, Medicare, Bank Details, Lease Agreement on the unit I am living in. I can not explain the sense of joy I felt as I finally started seeing my name appear on my documents and that other name started disappearing from circulation. 

Probably a good time to explain why I chose Sharon Olivia. Sharon was always going to be my name my mother once told me if the Doctors had of told her that she had a girl. I kind of liked it, so I kept it and I thought that it was a way of connecting some part of the past to the future. Olivia is the name of one of my kids that I have had in my classroom over the years. She bonded to me pretty much straight away and became very possessive of anyone getting close to me, even her sister. She was four at the time, she's now  almost ten years old and she has learnt to share me with her Sister a bit more now a days. Both girls are like my little sisters, in fact that's how I actually introduce them now if anyone asks. The two girls and their parents have kind of adopted me as a member of their family now. Such was the impact Olivia and Maddie have  made on me over time. I could never imagine in my wildest dreams how much these two children could teach me about acceptance. 

I had told the two girls parents about what was about to happen and we decided that we needed to let the girls know before they found out through some other means. So we decided to sit the girls down together and explain to them as a family, what was about to happen. The conversation sort of went like, Mum feels like a girl inside and Dad feels like a boy inside and knows he is, as does Mum. Sometimes, people don't feel like that inside, sometimes some people look like boys but actually feel like a girl. That's what's happening to me and I want to change that so the outside matches my inside. The two girls looked at each other and said "OK". We all looked at each other for a moment and we further explained that I was going to be starting to dress more like a girl now and grow my hair out and change the way I looked. Again, Maddie and Olivia looked at each other and said "OK". With that we asked if they had any questions, which they said no and with that, they jumped off their chairs and walked away. I kind of felt instantly worried that I may loose these to beautiful kids that mean so much and have touched my heart in ways that I never felt possible but i needn't of worried. 

A few moments later the girls returned back to the table with a big box and laid it on the table. Both girls looked at each other then looked at me and I think it was Maddie who said, "We were wondering as because your becoming a girl, we wanted to give you a make over with our make-up". Even writing about this now I have tears in my eyes thinking about the love I have for these kids and how beautiful they are. As like now I felt the tears well in my eyes and I hugged them both so tightly and told them of course they could. That was the first of many make overs that I received from the girls. They gave me the full treatment. Eyes, Nails, Face, Hair, they had it covered. 

Meanwhile, back at my centre, things were moving there also. My Director had told me that she had got in contact with our Head-office and informed them about what we were doing and they reacted straight away by sending their top managers on courses to see how best to help and support me and the children during the transition process. I was blown away by this news, never had I expected to hear or feel that level of support from anyone, much less from my employer. 

My Director also told me that she had got in contact with a person from a group who specialised in helping mostly school based Educators to transition. To be honest, at this point I'd never heard of this group so I went along with it. I was given a contact number and during a break, called the number and spoke to a guy on the other end. He asked me about myself and started asking questions at the time about things I couldn't answer regarding my transition process. I told him that I was wasn't sure how to go about it and that's when he began telling me about what they did. He told me that their organisation was set up to help mostly children with the transition process in school situations and that I was the first that they had heard of in the Early Childhood Sector. I told him that we had heard a similar comment from DHS. He told me part of what they did was to help protect children from being bullied by other children as a result of coming out. 

After that conversation, I was ready to sign up. A few days later, there was like an outcry of negative stories in the media. I listened to these stories and was convinced it was just people commenting on something they had no idea about. One of my very dear friends who also has school aged children and I have known for many years  started posting all this negative material on social media   and I found myself defending them saying that they aren't about what your claiming. Their actually trying to help children and protect them from being bullied. My friend was adamant that she was right and I was wrong. Just as much as I was adamant that I was right and she was wrong. Truth be told, I almost lost her friendship over it until the day we spoke about it and I started seeing things from her perspective and why she view somethings a little different than I did.

When the decision came that we were dropping the program, I was kind of relieved to be honest. With all the negativity surrounding the group at the time, I was worried that it may come down on my centre and reflect badly upon us. The decision came from one of the very same mangers that had just come fresh from her course on how best to support the centre during the transition. They guy from the group,  wanted to conduct a meeting or an information night at the centre where I would be reading out a coming out statement and the floor would be open to questions from any concerned parents. The Manager lady from head-office said "No way, we are not going to put you in a situation where the it might turn into a pack mentality and you end up getting attacked. We want to protect you." So, at the eleventh hour, the meeting was called off and I was protected from any negativity. 

It was a crazy time in my life. While all this was going on in the background, I was continuing to keep a lid on the fact that my dream was about to become a very real reality and that my amazing centre was about to create history. I had lots of people asking me questions, I had a reporter trying to contact me for a story, which was like wow, really. Each day I would make my way around the staff and tell them about what was about to take place and that if they wanted to ask me anything at all not to hesitate. In this respect I have always wanted to be transparent because the more open I am about who I am, the easier it makes it for the next person to take that leap of faith. 

The staff were amazing when I told them. Their were some I put off telling until I really couldn't leave it to any longer. The reason being because I didn't want to do anything that offended their cultural beliefs as we were a very multi-cultural centre with educators from all around the world. When I first started at the centre, their was one lady that refused to use the same toilet as I because of her religious beliefs. Thankfully we moved past that and we respected each other more so in the end. Having said that, I was still frightened to tell her that the person that she had known for the past few years wasn't who she thought they were. I sat her down and made sure that some of the other girls were in the room so they could try to explain what I was saying if I made a mess of it. Nervously I began to speak and at the end of it she thanked me for coming and telling her in person and respecting her enough to share this news. 

As I said, I left it pretty open so anyone could ask me any question  they wanted to so they could understand better what was happening. I got all the questions that I expected like, "How long have you known?" "What does your family say?" "Are you going to grow your hair?" "What's going to be your new name?" "Are you going to get the operation?" As well as I got some questions that I didn't expect such as this one "If you become a girl, will that will mean that you will start to get the......you know, girl thing once a month?" Hmmmm, Don't know why, but I didn't see that coming. Let me try to answer that one with the benefit of hindsight. At the time I told her that it was biologically impossible because I didn't have the right plumbing for that to happen. Having been this way for a couple of years now, I'd like to revisit that answer and say yes. There are certain times of the month that i feel more emotional or moody than others and yes, chocolate helps a lot. Hormones can do some amazing things to ones body that's for sure. 

It was decided instead of the meeting, we were going to send out an information pack to all of the families to let them know what was happening and that if they had any concerns that they were welcome to discuss it with the extended management team that included a few of the managers from head office that had completed the course as well as our area manager. That offer was also open to any Educators that may feel uneasy and needed to chat about any concerns and of course it was made quite clear to me that if I felt like I was being treated any different or being disrespected by anyone, that I had a safe place to go to voice my concerns. 

In the end, I didn't need to voice any concerns at all. It was decided that finally, with the Easter break approaching that Darren would work his last day on the Thursday before Good Friday and that I would start work on Easter Tuesday. I walked into work on that first day feeling a mixture of nervous excitement. Once again I needn't of worried, I had an amazing Management team waiting to catch me if I fell and after a quick pep-talk, I walked into the room for the first time. The room fell silent for a few moments and after a what seemed like forever, one of the children finally broke the silence and asked, "Why are you wearing that?" pointing at my skirt. I crouched down beside him and told him it was because I like it. The child thought for a moment before giving me a look that said, fair enough, then he moved on and continued building a castle with some wooden blocks. 

Throughout that first day and the days following I received so many messages of support from the families, staff and management team of head-office and at centre level. I had parents coming up to me and just hugging me and saying things like "You go girl", "You are so brave" and even words like, "Thank you for teaching my child the true meaning of acceptance". 

I will never be able to thank my families, fellow Educators and of course the Management team of my amazing company for supporting me through this whole time. You exceeded all of my expectations and I will always be thankful for the amazing level of support you offered me during your Transition. 

That first Christmas was amazing. Being an Educator, it wouldn't be uncommon for me to receive Christmas gifts from the families for looking after their children for the year. I always considered that it wasn't necessary because trusting me to take care of them on their very important journey was gift enough to me. I would always get things like a box of Cadbury favourites (which I love) or a bottle or red. This year, I noticed the gifts were very different. I received so much Jewellery and a Jewellery box, Perfume, Soaps, Candles, flowers, chocolates and bottles of Moscato. Not that I needed proof, but if I was ever looking for it to tell me that I was accepted, this was it. 

On a personal level, this was also the Christmas that after 16 months after walking away from my 20 year marriage, I discovered how to love someone again with a love thats more pure than anything that I have ever felt before. But, thats another story.